Sunday, October 26, 2008

Hey Asshole! The Wack is BACK!

Top of the morning, to ya', Asshole!

The Doc hooked me up to one of them bags of food they stick in yer arm. I knew 911 was good fer something. I'm talking nine, one one. Not the bombing thing them towel heads did in NYC.

I told the ambulance driver somebody shot my dog and pushed me down and stole my food. Now I'm getting Federal aid cause I'm a veteran, and they're feeding me this bag of liquid food. I told 'em my back hurts and I don't have no more back medicine, and now they're giving me morphine. Oh mercy, it's good shit.

And they're giving me these little white pills called Vicodin. Seems like the more they feed me, the better I feel. Doc got the wires outta' my mouth roof and he says I'm healing up real good. Shouldn't be too long before I can eat possum again. You got my recipe earlier in this deal.

So the nurse was soaping me up with a sponge yesterday and my little man popped outta' my gown and puked on her. I couldn't tell if she was smiling or if she was grittin' her teeth because she was grossed out. I tell ya' if a man put his drip on me, I'd shoot that motherfucker. But then again, I'm not a nurse. They're supposed to help you get better, and ain't nobody ever got better gettin' shot.

So I got me a new plan. I'm gonna' fix up my trailer when I get home. Gonna' paint it. Gonna' paint it camouflage. Gonna' get some more guns and some grenades from my buddy, Spence, down the way there on the other side of the old whore bitch. He's got a real tank from Germany that he got on Craig's list. That fellow Craig must be the luckiest somabitch on the planet with all the shit he's got to sell.

Anyway, I'm gonna' change the litter in my toilet and start new. It's time to start thinking about the end of my life here, because I'm just crazy enough to do it. So long as it's fun. And the way to make it fun is to pull on your noodle.

Guns, Vicodin, Morphine, a bag of food that goes in yer' arm, a nurse, grenades, and camouflage paint. And then what you do is you yank on yer' noodle. Three to twelve times a day. I tell you, someone walking in on me yanking my noodle with all them drugs and guns and shit, they'd be right freaked out. That's what I'm tellin' you. I'm the wackiest somabitch this side of the fart factory. Don't mess with my noodle. I got her handled.

Outta my way, commie! I'm coming home!

-- Wacky Macky

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Hey Asshole! Got Me a New Diet!

Hey there, Asshole!

It's been awhile since I last poked my keyboard. That's because for a number of reasons.

1. My pills they gave me for the pain in my mouth roof ran out. Right when they did, them giant gerbils went away, and now I got nobody to talk to me.

2. My mouth is sewed shut and I ain't aten in a good week. That there is my new diet plan for all you fat people. Just pull out yer mouth roof with a pair of pliers, fix it at the hospital where they'll sew it up fer ya. Then you can't get no food in there because it's sewed shut. If you un-sew it, you can't chew 'cause the food will poke up there in yer mouth roof and hurt the shit outta yer mouth. There's no way, Asshole.

3. Without nothing to eat, I'm thinking I'm gonna' probably die soon and that'll be the end of this here bloggin' that I been doing.

Yup, ol' Wacky Macky may be on the way to glory, and by glory, I mean dead. I can see it now. Me dead, rottin' away in my trailer next to my damn near already rotted dog. He can't get no ball, and I can't throw it no more, because I'm rotting and dead like the dog is. Can you imagine how much this place will smell?

Nobody will come in here for months. I sure miss them gerbils. Maybe that old bitch down the way will come up here and bring me something to eat. As long as it ain't her pussy... I hope my mouth roof will heal up soon so I can cut out the metal keeping my mouth clamped up.

Fuck a lot of shit if you ask me.

-- Wacky Macky

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Hey Asshole! Here's What I Think About Stuff.

Hi there, Asshole.

How's yer asshole?

Sometime ol Wacky Macky gets to thinking about stuff, and I tell it on here so you get you some wisdom in yer noggin. I've been around enough to know stuff and here's what I think about it. If you don't agree with Wacky Macky, yer an asshole. Ain't that right, poppa gerbil? He says yes it's right. Four days now with no sleep. I think you die shortly after that.

Ol Wacky Macky's Stuff List of Wisdom

Water: Plenty of it. No cause for concern. Can not go into outer space.

Dogs as Pets: Don't kill 'em. They ain't no fun after that and what are you gonna do then? Nothing but smell a rotting dog cause I'm too lazy to throw that fucker outta here.

Women: She'd get the dog outta here and cook for me and slurp on my fun part. That's what they're good for. If only God would fix all women's mouthes the way mine are, they'd stop talking so much when you're going in the back way. You know what I'm talking about here.

Fags: Don't want 'em in my house, mouth, or back door. Nothing that pees goes in my mouth except for my pee, 'cause you could drink that if for some reason there weren't no water, and there's plenty of water, so I do. No parts in my mouth that pee. I'm sticking to good old American pussy.

Teeth: If you got one in the middle of your mouth roof, don't pull that somabitch outta' there. You're in for a world of hurt.

Guns: My God given right! I can legally shoot any body from the Government coming in to my house trying to steal my smokable back medicine. Get off my land! That's a promise.

Glue Sniffin: All for it!

Drinking of All Kinds: Anything with a little alcohol in it, I figure it's medicine to keep me from going off the deep end and taking my gun here and going into the world to kill every fucking living breathing thing out there that ticks me off, startin' with midgets. I hate those little fuckers.

So now you learn you something from what I done wrote above, and you'll be a better man no matter what the fuck you are.

Ooo! Lookie here! Them giant gerbils are fucking each other. I'm gonna' get a piece of this.

-- Wacky Macky

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Hey Asshole... I Got It Good!

Hi there, you fuckin' asshole.

I been thinking about my life.

I been thinking how I drink so much and take so much of my smokable back medicine, and eat all them pills.

I been thinking about how I wave my sack and weiner at the old bitch down the street.

I been thinking about how I'm probably eating the only bigfoot ever to be gunned down, and I ain't tellin' nobody about it but you, asshole.

I been thinking how stupid I get sometimes, like when I pulled out the roof of my mouth, and now I'm bleedin'.

I been thinking about this dog carcass, and how it would still fetch a ball ifn I hadn't a shot it.

I've been looking at these giant squirrels or gerbils or whateverthefuck's they are here now that I haven't slept for three days, I'm drinkin' Steel Reserve, and smokin' up all of my back medicine. That dog's startin' to smell ripe. Least he don't shit the house no more, but that don't make it smell better.

Yeah, asshole, I been thinking about my life. Thinking about how I use a kitty litter box instead of a toilet. How I ain't got no woman in my house that I'm married to so's I can call her what she is... a bitch! No love, nowhere.

I ain't never had no fancy food.

I don't drive no car.

I live in a trailer in the woods and just talk to this here family of giant gerbils and pull my rifle out when the girl scouts come snoopin' around with their cookies and puttin' Government juice into my toilet when I'm sleeping. I know what them little bitches are up to. Don't you worry about that.

And I come to this here conclusion, and it's a statement of fact!

Only thing messing up my nice life here is it's looking like the next President is gonna' be black. But there is an upside. That leaves Sarah Palin the option of doing that Hustler spread I've been waiting for and when I get that issue, I'm gonna spooge all over her purty face.

I may shit on it too, if she's into it.

-- Wacky Macky

Friday, October 3, 2008

Hey Asshole! I'm Seein' Giant Gerbils!

Hey Asshole,

Them doctors what fixed up my mouth give me some pills here, and I know that if one pill will do good, more pills are gonna' do better. So I ate about half of 'em just now because my mouth roof was hurtin' and bleedin'.

Now three hours later, there's a family of giant talkin' gerbils here and we're gettin' along just great. Them gerbils are goofy, because they move so fast you can't hardly see 'em. But they're here and we're having a great old time. I'm not sure what to feed 'em, but I got some dog food I won't be needing.

I'm gonna' give that a try.

-- Wacky Macky