Hey Asshole! I Just Found Out Clay Aiken's a Fag!

Good holy Jesus, Mary and child!

Here I was runnin' my mouth about how I think queers need to have an island, and my favorite singer comes out in People Magazine holding his baby and tellin' America he's a poop pusher!

Same God Damned thing happened to my favorite singer, Liberace, and then again with my favorite singer, Elton John.

And it makes me wonder the logical scientific question. It it me liking these guys that's doing it to them? Am I liking them too much?

Sheep shit on a stick! If I'm a latent homo I'm going to have to rethink this fag deal.

I still ain't putting no man's pecker in my mouth. I don't care how trendy it gets.


No Clay! How'd you make that baby? I bet it was unnatural. Next they'll be telling me Michael Jackson's a queer too. Please, God! Don't make Michael Jackson a queer!


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! Get the Fuck Outta' There!

You gotta' be some kind of dumb to sit around your house watching Larry King when a category 5 storm is coming to wash out yer' mouth again. The first time, you're on the roof goin', "Shoulda' got my ass out when they told me to." Meantime, your dog sinks in the flood waters and your wife still won't have sex with you. What's the matter with her anyway? Who's running this operation? Aliens?

But I'm off track here. Must be my back medication, which I grow in the yard.

So now this storm is coming to New Orleans again, and you French dingleberries better sauce up your busses and run like hell, or there's going to be a new soup in New Orleans and it won't be Jambalaya. It'll be people soup, and Louisanna gators love that shit.

Where's my beer. Goddamn, I'm a stupid motherfucker sometimes. Oh, here it is right where I put it, between my legs. It's airconditioning for my balls.

So anyhoo, and you know... I don't like French people who think they're black anyhow. So let 'em stay. But they should probably get out of there.

Now I been reading about liberals saying that the Hurlycane coming down there is God's way of saying Republicans are gonna' lose. Hey Asshole! I got news for you. God set that one on the Democrats and JesusImposterObama. He just screwed up and made it run a little late. Same way he screwed up with Giraffes. That's the dumbest animal... what's it good for? Look at it. Ain't no reasonable God gonna' make a thing like that. It's goofy.

I ain't picking on God, I'm just saying he done some weird shit. Like look at a penguin. He dressed him up, but how's he gonna' fly to the party with those little wings? He's too fat. Look how fat he is. I'm not gonna' get one. What's the point of them?

Well, I've gone on a bit too long here, and so... oh now what. Look at that shit. Some little girl is knocking on my door in a unform and she's got a box of cookies under her arm. I fell for this once before and those cookies tasted like shit. I'm gonna' get my shotgun.

Catch you tomorrow, Asshole.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole, Toilets are for Men and Women

Hey Asshole,

In Gainesville, that liberal pit of dumbass kids, they put a law in there so that chicks with dicks and men with tits have to get in the bathroom.

Now, a bunch of real American Christians are starting a drive to get that law out of there. Why? Because they say men are gonna' go in there and molest our women and children and when they get done with that, the cops aren't going to be able to do anything about it because if they feel like a woman, they can go in there. Especially if it's a man with a set of boobs.

Now I don't want to sound like a prick, but here's my take on it.

I just don't want to go in the men's room and have to see a woman pissing in the urinal with her dick. And I don't want no women to have to go into the ladies room with a lady with a beard in there. It's pretty simple, really.

God makes a few mistakes, that's pretty clear, but should I have to pay for that? As for molesting children, kids shouldn't be in the adult bathroom anyway. They should be home making poop in a plastic training toilet. These little fella's miss sometimes, and I don't want to sit in some kid's shit.

Got me?

So sign that petition to get that goofy law out of there, and let's make sure that in my America, we don't let the mistakes of God get in the way of liberty for people of the right kind.


-- Wacky Macky