Hey Asshole. I'm a Goddam Lady!

Well, that didn't go so well.

I shot my dick off and the umbrella is still sticking out of it.

Never seen my dick stuck to the wall like that.

Kinda funny looking at my dick hanging on the wall with an umbrella sticking out of it.

Probably shoulda maybe used a .22 instead of a shotgun 'cause most of the middle of me ain't where it was before I fucked this up.

I'm starting to think I'm a Wacky somovabitch, maybe the wackiest one there ever was.

And that there piece of me stuck on the wall, well, that's something I can be proud of. It shows I mattered.

Thing is, I might have kilt me off on this one.

Yup, thre's no dobatowtit.

Hey Asshole! I'm Gonna' Get Some Baby Penises For My Skin!

I just found me a way to get laid here.

I was rootin' around the Internet machine at the library, and I found this here news item:

--------------------------------------------

11/20/2008 03:11 AM

ID: 74979
New Cure for Wrinkles Made from Babies' Penises

A new treatment for wrinkles is on the horizon. It's a new product called Vavelta, which is produced from microscopic cells cultured from the foreskin of babies penises.

Clinical trials that took place in London used foreskin material from the U.S. and the results were positive.

Although some may find being injected with penis somewhat distasteful, some could find it more appealing than being injected with alternative treatments, which in some cases are made from toxic substances.

------------------------------------------

I know I ain't the purtiest lump on the stump. But I recon if I inject my face with baby penises, all my wrinkles and ugliness will go away and then bitches all over creation will want to yank on my pecker. This is better than a health club and better than a UFO.

Baby penises!

I wish I would have thought of this in the first place. I would have saved me a whole lot of pain, blood, puke, my dog, and heartache.



-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! I Shit the Bed!

Hey Asshole.

I know you're probably thinking to yerself, this Asshole Wacky Macky, all he talks about is sick shit that happened to him and it's so gross. Well asshole, that's what happens to Ol' Wacky Macky. I ain't pulling no punches. I said I tell the truth and when stuff happens, even if it's sick, I feel a duty to blog it on this here bloggin' place.

It's not like I was tryin' to shit all over the bed. Who'd do a thing like that on purpose? I'm just saying I couldn't hold my rose together and a mess of poop fell out of there and on the bed. There it is for you, in black and white. And a little green and a piece of yellow. I'm gonna' say corn. There's no doubt. There's always one of those little fuckers in your poop.

So I didn't know all that crap come outta' me and I was pitching and rolling around in it because I was having a dream that I was a pig rolling around in the mud. And in the dream, the farmer comes up and throws some feed into the mud and naturally, being a hungry pig, I go down there to eat it all up.

That's the only way I can think that I got so much poop on my face. I think during the night, I was probably trying to eat it thinking it was feed for a pig, when in reality it were my own poop and now maybe it is gross. But it's the truth. Sometimes the truth is gross. That don't mean I ain't gonna tell you I might have been eating poop in my sleep thinking it was pig feed from a dream I had.

Now I'm not ashamed of it. Probably everybody at one time or another has eaten some of their bed poop. It's natural. So long as I didn't do it on purpose, there's nothing wrong with it. And I can't say it tasted so bad, but I can't say it was something I'd go out of my way to order in a fancy restaurant.

And looking at the mess on the bed, and how some of it is wiggling, I'm gonna have to eat some of the leftover dog worm medicine. 'Cause these are some big fucking worms I'm looking at here. That's not gross. It's just the truth. Sometimes the truth is eatin' poop with worms in it.

Fuck me, looks like I'm barfin' on the poop now... Gimmie a minute here...


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! Where's My Dingaling?

Hi there, asshole.

I been working out for a day now. I done three or four push-ups, a pull-up, and about four sit-ups. I don't see no change what ever. I'm thinking this working out is some kind of bullshit. Where's my dingaling? I still can't see it. And now I got dog juice on my feet.

I tell you, this thing just ain't working out for me.

I was gonna' charge people to use my gym, but when I look at it and I see what it's done for me, nobody's gonna' pay to work out in here. I'm pretty clear on that one.

And if I can't get no money for people coming to my gym, how am I gonna' buy them plans for the UFO?

I'm starting to come to some sense. Here's the sense: Seems like everything I do is fucked up. That's what I found out today. I'd try something new, but if everything I do is fucked up, well you know how the new thing's gonna' turn out.

I don't see how to win it. Who's gonna' pay me and what for? Every day it's just more shit I gotta' do. I think I got a pee stone.

I need to do some thinking and think this through. I gotta' think of something really smart. Let me see if I can do that. Probably fuck it up somehow. My brain don't go. Something's got under my toe nail now. Gotta' scrape that outta' there. What the fuck is that? Is it moving?

Gonna' play some Bee Gees. Them fellers always cheer me up.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! I Made Me a Health Club!

Hey Asshole! I'm a fat fucking blob.

No wonder no whores will fuck me. Bitches!

If I was a whore, not even for money would I fuck my own damn self.

Not as fat a blob as I am, and asshole, I'm a fat fucking blob.

So I gone and made myself a health club right here in the trailer.

And that's smart, because since I made it and it's mine, I don't have to pay no fee to use it. Only down side is there's no sweaty ladies running on treadmills with their boobs flopping up and down. I sure do like it when their boobs do that.

On the other hand, I can use the money I'm saving to get me a UFO. That's the idea here. I figure in about a year or so, I should have enough money saved up for the construction plans. You can get them plans offn the Internet. I use the Internet machine at the library when I don't smell too bad. Don't know where to get an anti-gravity wave amplifier though, but I'll figure that one out when I get to it.

So first thing I made was a push-up machine. I use the floor for that. You just get down there and do push-ups on the floor, and there's that machine done. I can get two good ones and one bad one so far. My chest is gonna' be a steel barrier. You'll see, asshole.

Then for pull-ups (that's the opposite of a push up), I hammered a bar up in the door frame. I got one good pull-up and the fucking thing broke. I can't tell you enough how much I hate termites wrecking my health club.

I may try the other door frame over there after the pain in my arms gets to quittin. And Jesus on two sticks, I can't tell you enough how much it hurts to do exersizes like push-ups and pull-ups when yore hand is broke. I'm gonna' give the pain I got in my hand right now about a nine or ten. One thing for sure, you're not supposed to bleed on a push-up, and that's a lot of what I'm seeing right here.

Then I got the sit-ups. I bent the back of a chair so it leans further back than it's supposed to. Now what I do is I get on there and crunch my stomach and that's my sit-up. I can get about four sit-ups. That's not the opposite of a push-up, but it's a little to the side of it.

Opposide. That's a funny word. I just made that word up. I'm gonna' use it. That's a smart word I made. Opposide.

Finally, I got my treadmill. What I do is I start walking in the puddle of shit that used to be my dog. My feet slip and slid in that goo to where I'm walking but I'm not going anywhere. That's a good dog! I'm glad I didn't throw it out.

Shouldn't be too long now before I'm built up good and strong. Then I can get me some whores that'll have sex with me. And when I get them whores, I'm gonna' get their boobies to flop around the way I like it. Then it'll be a real health club and I can get my UFO and get the fuck out of here.

That's the plan so far.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! I'm Pissed, Asshole!

Hi there, asshole.

Boy am I pissed the fart off!

I woke up angry, and I'm gonna' do something about it. Haven't decided what, yet. Went to the fridge to get an egg. There's no god damned eggs in there. That made me angry and I punched the fridge and broke my god damn hand, right in the middle of it. There's a bone sticking out. Fucking Obama!

I got this smelly dog rotting in my trailer, and I can't get it out of here. It's too gooey to pick up in one piece. I keep looking at it and wondering what to do, but there's nothing comes to mind. Maybe it will melt into the floor soon through the floor boards. There's worms and ants crawling around in my dog. Maybe they'll take care of it. Somavabitchin Obama!

Found a spot on my penis that I don't know what it is. I picked at it, and now it's bleeding. Broke my hand, got a spot on my penis, and my dog's rotting. Obama!

I gotta do something or my anger may just get to where it makes everything all screwed up, and that's when trouble starts. I gotta go shoot something, get an egg, find a band-aid for my penis, and immobolize my hand so it don't heal backwards. Fucking Obama!

I gotta get a UFO. There's no doubt about it. Think of all the stuff I could do on a UFO. That may be the only way out of here. Hey, I made myself laugh. I threw the ball at the dog and it broke through and now it's in my dog's stomach.

That's the funniest thing you could ever see, if your dog was like my dog.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! I Been Thinking for About Two Minutes Here...

Okay,

America spoke.

I gotta' go with my country, even though they called black.

So how do I get with it? Here's ol' Wacky Macky's guide to how to be right with the country when we got a black in the White House.

Wacky Macky's Guide to Fittin' In in the New America!:

#1. Gotta' drop my pants below the waist. That's an easy one. I do that anyway so people can see my crack.

#2. Got to get some crack. Covered that in #1.

#3. Need to fix up my lingo. There's things to say proper now that the President's gonna' be black. Here's some phrases to help out:

a. Lemmie hold a dime. (Don't say borrow, say hold. That's the black way.)

b. I'm zizzle with the zazzle, mofo. (Learnt that off'n television.)

c. Sup. (That means, hi there, how you doing?)

l. Homie, you need to chill, bitch. (Say that when someone's trying to fight.)

r. Blingo. (That's fancy for lingo.)


I gotta say I'm gonna miss Sarah Palin. We could have shot road kill together. I could have shared my Possum recipe. She could have hunkered down on my pecker on occasion. I coulda shit in her hair. I'm a fucking wack job, you know. I'll shit in a girl's hair, not a problem. I mean, if she's into it and all. I'm not gonna tell you I'll shit in a girl's hair if she's against it. That's just fucking wrong.

And McCain? Well what can I say? He sure fucked up his chances electing Sarah Palin. He looked like her grandfather, and now that's just sick to think about. Who wants to see them two fuckin? If she had a baby by McCain, I'd name it Putty, to match with them other names she gave her kids. What was it? Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow... fucking hippie if you ask me. I hate hippies. They smell like patchouli and underarms. So it would be Track, Trigger, Bristol, Willow, and McCain's baby, Putty. Putty Palin. I like how that sounds.

Anyway, good luck President Obama. I didn't vote for you but I'll stand behind you, just the way we whites always stood behind blacks in our nation's most trying times... and I'm talking times of war when the enemy was shooting at us. Y'all made good cover.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole!

Oh my God, the President's black!

-- Wacky Macky

I'm a Poet, Asshole!

Hey Asshole!

I decided I'm a poet this afternoon because I wrote me a poem. It's purty darn good if you ask me, and I'm gonna' send it to these people that told me if I wrote a poem, they'd put it in a book of poets and I can buy me one for seventy-five bucks.

That's a good deal, and then I'll be published and famous. That'll get me lots of money and I can use that money for the bomb shelter I'm building for the nukes that're gonna' start being shot at us by the Chinese when Obama takes over the country.

One thing about Obama; If he's a muslim and relations with Osama, and if he's a Marxist and a Socialist, and if he wants to teach kids about sex, and if it were his fault the gas price went up, and if he wants surrender in Iraq, and if he pals around with terrorists, and if his Reverend hates the United States of America, well then we must have been dumb as shit to let this dude be a Senator for so long.

And I was thinking this too: If John McCain thinks Obama's dangerous because he went to some meetings with that Ayers the Terrorist guy, then don't that make McCain dangerous because he hung around in the Senate for two years with Obama who's known to hang around that Ayers the Terrorist guy? God I miss you, Ross Perot.

Nader can eat the turds outta' my asshole, Asshole! I ain't wearing no seatbelt. I ain't no sissy!

But back to that thing I was saying about being a poet. I wrote me a poem and this is how I'm gonna' be rich and famous. Soon, I'll get to pal around with Brittany Spears. What man wouldn't like to pop her little stink sack. And if I'm lucky, I'll get to bust one on Paris Hilton. She's so skinny, my pecker would look like Godzilla. If I can get a piece of Martha Stewart, I'll show her where the cupcakes are. That's one creative GILF. That there means Granny I'd Like to Fondle.

Okay, so here's the poem. It's called, I Wrote This Here Poem for You, Whore!



Hey Asshole.
I wrote this here poem for you, whore.

I done wrote it because I was bored.
What's it for?
I don't know, whore.

This poem is gonna' get me famous and rich.
Then I'll have me some money, bitch.
And I can pay for your purty mouth,

To do what it does when you go South.
While your down there, what if I fart?
That shows I love you with all my heart.

I love you right down to the core.
And that's why I wrote you this poem, you whore.




There it is. They say the book comes out in about four months and I'm gonna' buy me one if they select me to be in their book of United States poets. I think they got no reason not to take my poem here. Where am I gonna' get me seventy-five bucks? I may have to sell some of my smokable back medicine.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! I Scared the Shit Outta' Me!

It was about midnight, I rekon.

I got up to go to my litter box and free some pee, and when the light came on, I saw myself in the mirror and it scared me so bad what I saw, I shit all over my leg!

And that's what I did for Halloween, Asshole!


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! The Wack is BACK!

Top of the morning, to ya', Asshole!

The Doc hooked me up to one of them bags of food they stick in yer arm. I knew 911 was good fer something. I'm talking nine, one one. Not the bombing thing them towel heads did in NYC.

I told the ambulance driver somebody shot my dog and pushed me down and stole my food. Now I'm getting Federal aid cause I'm a veteran, and they're feeding me this bag of liquid food. I told 'em my back hurts and I don't have no more back medicine, and now they're giving me morphine. Oh mercy, it's good shit.

And they're giving me these little white pills called Vicodin. Seems like the more they feed me, the better I feel. Doc got the wires outta' my mouth roof and he says I'm healing up real good. Shouldn't be too long before I can eat possum again. You got my recipe earlier in this deal.

So the nurse was soaping me up with a sponge yesterday and my little man popped outta' my gown and puked on her. I couldn't tell if she was smiling or if she was grittin' her teeth because she was grossed out. I tell ya' if a man put his drip on me, I'd shoot that motherfucker. But then again, I'm not a nurse. They're supposed to help you get better, and ain't nobody ever got better gettin' shot.

So I got me a new plan. I'm gonna' fix up my trailer when I get home. Gonna' paint it. Gonna' paint it camouflage. Gonna' get some more guns and some grenades from my buddy, Spence, down the way there on the other side of the old whore bitch. He's got a real tank from Germany that he got on Craig's list. That fellow Craig must be the luckiest somabitch on the planet with all the shit he's got to sell.

Anyway, I'm gonna' change the litter in my toilet and start new. It's time to start thinking about the end of my life here, because I'm just crazy enough to do it. So long as it's fun. And the way to make it fun is to pull on your noodle.

Guns, Vicodin, Morphine, a bag of food that goes in yer' arm, a nurse, grenades, and camouflage paint. And then what you do is you yank on yer' noodle. Three to twelve times a day. I tell you, someone walking in on me yanking my noodle with all them drugs and guns and shit, they'd be right freaked out. That's what I'm tellin' you. I'm the wackiest somabitch this side of the fart factory. Don't mess with my noodle. I got her handled.

Outta my way, commie! I'm coming home!


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! Got Me a New Diet!

Hey there, Asshole!

It's been awhile since I last poked my keyboard. That's because for a number of reasons.

1. My pills they gave me for the pain in my mouth roof ran out. Right when they did, them giant gerbils went away, and now I got nobody to talk to me.

2. My mouth is sewed shut and I ain't aten in a good week. That there is my new diet plan for all you fat people. Just pull out yer mouth roof with a pair of pliers, fix it at the hospital where they'll sew it up fer ya. Then you can't get no food in there because it's sewed shut. If you un-sew it, you can't chew 'cause the food will poke up there in yer mouth roof and hurt the shit outta yer mouth. There's no way, Asshole.

3. Without nothing to eat, I'm thinking I'm gonna' probably die soon and that'll be the end of this here bloggin' that I been doing.

Yup, ol' Wacky Macky may be on the way to glory, and by glory, I mean dead. I can see it now. Me dead, rottin' away in my trailer next to my damn near already rotted dog. He can't get no ball, and I can't throw it no more, because I'm rotting and dead like the dog is. Can you imagine how much this place will smell?

Nobody will come in here for months. I sure miss them gerbils. Maybe that old bitch down the way will come up here and bring me something to eat. As long as it ain't her pussy... I hope my mouth roof will heal up soon so I can cut out the metal keeping my mouth clamped up.

Fuck a lot of shit if you ask me.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! Here's What I Think About Stuff.

Hi there, Asshole.

How's yer asshole?

Sometime ol Wacky Macky gets to thinking about stuff, and I tell it on here so you get you some wisdom in yer noggin. I've been around enough to know stuff and here's what I think about it. If you don't agree with Wacky Macky, yer an asshole. Ain't that right, poppa gerbil? He says yes it's right. Four days now with no sleep. I think you die shortly after that.


Ol Wacky Macky's Stuff List of Wisdom


Water: Plenty of it. No cause for concern. Can not go into outer space.

Dogs as Pets: Don't kill 'em. They ain't no fun after that and what are you gonna do then? Nothing but smell a rotting dog cause I'm too lazy to throw that fucker outta here.

Women: She'd get the dog outta here and cook for me and slurp on my fun part. That's what they're good for. If only God would fix all women's mouthes the way mine are, they'd stop talking so much when you're going in the back way. You know what I'm talking about here.

Fags: Don't want 'em in my house, mouth, or back door. Nothing that pees goes in my mouth except for my pee, 'cause you could drink that if for some reason there weren't no water, and there's plenty of water, so I do. No parts in my mouth that pee. I'm sticking to good old American pussy.

Teeth: If you got one in the middle of your mouth roof, don't pull that somabitch outta' there. You're in for a world of hurt.

Guns: My God given right! I can legally shoot any body from the Government coming in to my house trying to steal my smokable back medicine. Get off my land! That's a promise.

Glue Sniffin: All for it!

Drinking of All Kinds: Anything with a little alcohol in it, I figure it's medicine to keep me from going off the deep end and taking my gun here and going into the world to kill every fucking living breathing thing out there that ticks me off, startin' with midgets. I hate those little fuckers.


So now you learn you something from what I done wrote above, and you'll be a better man no matter what the fuck you are.



Ooo! Lookie here! Them giant gerbils are fucking each other. I'm gonna' get a piece of this.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole... I Got It Good!

Hi there, you fuckin' asshole.

I been thinking about my life.

I been thinking how I drink so much and take so much of my smokable back medicine, and eat all them pills.

I been thinking about how I wave my sack and weiner at the old bitch down the street.

I been thinking about how I'm probably eating the only bigfoot ever to be gunned down, and I ain't tellin' nobody about it but you, asshole.

I been thinking how stupid I get sometimes, like when I pulled out the roof of my mouth, and now I'm bleedin'.

I been thinking about this dog carcass, and how it would still fetch a ball ifn I hadn't a shot it.

I've been looking at these giant squirrels or gerbils or whateverthefuck's they are here now that I haven't slept for three days, I'm drinkin' Steel Reserve, and smokin' up all of my back medicine. That dog's startin' to smell ripe. Least he don't shit the house no more, but that don't make it smell better.

Yeah, asshole, I been thinking about my life. Thinking about how I use a kitty litter box instead of a toilet. How I ain't got no woman in my house that I'm married to so's I can call her what she is... a bitch! No love, nowhere.

I ain't never had no fancy food.

I don't drive no car.

I live in a trailer in the woods and just talk to this here family of giant gerbils and pull my rifle out when the girl scouts come snoopin' around with their cookies and puttin' Government juice into my toilet when I'm sleeping. I know what them little bitches are up to. Don't you worry about that.

And I come to this here conclusion, and it's a statement of fact!
HEY ASSHOLE! I GOT IT GOOD!

Only thing messing up my nice life here is it's looking like the next President is gonna' be black. But there is an upside. That leaves Sarah Palin the option of doing that Hustler spread I've been waiting for and when I get that issue, I'm gonna spooge all over her purty face.

I may shit on it too, if she's into it.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! I'm Seein' Giant Gerbils!

Hey Asshole,

Them doctors what fixed up my mouth give me some pills here, and I know that if one pill will do good, more pills are gonna' do better. So I ate about half of 'em just now because my mouth roof was hurtin' and bleedin'.

Now three hours later, there's a family of giant talkin' gerbils here and we're gettin' along just great. Them gerbils are goofy, because they move so fast you can't hardly see 'em. But they're here and we're having a great old time. I'm not sure what to feed 'em, but I got some dog food I won't be needing.

I'm gonna' give that a try.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! I Wrecked my Mouth!

Hey Asshole! Remember I was tellin' you about the tooth growing out of the center of my mouth roof? Well I got good and drunk on Turkey so I wouldn't get infected and to try and kill all the pain I was gonna' make for myself.

Then I got some pointy pliers to yank out that tooth that wasn't supposed to grow there. Turns out it weren't no tooth. Doctor told me it was a freak thing where my mouth roof (he calls it a hard palate) had got to growin' through my skin there and I ended up pullin' out some of the top of my mouth and a little bit of the insides there. Doc said I ripped out most of my (inferior nasal concha).

I said, "Doc, if it's inferior, can't you put in a new one?"

So I guess that's what they're gonna' try and do. Anyhow, I got my mouth sowed up and glued. When I talk, blood comes out and I see myself in the mirror and it looks like this horror movie I seen once, and I laugh and more blood comes out, and I can't stop laughin' and bleedin.

So that's where it's at, asshole. Check with your Doc before you go yanking on stuff you don't know what it is. That's the learnin' I got from this deal.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! Something's Going On with my Mouth!

Hey Asshole!

I was rooting around in my mouth this morning and there's a tooth growing from the center of my mouth roof.

Right in the middle there. What the fuck is that?

I don't think a tooth is supposed to go there.

Now I'm wonderin' if I need to pull it outta' there with the pliers, or will it make it easier to chew and so I keep it? This here problem is gonna' have me working on it all day.

I'll let you know if I pull it out or not, asshole.



-- Wacky Macky


P.S. I got my laundry done and the dog pissed on it. Now I gotta' do it all over again. I shot that dog.

Hey Asshole! It's Wacky Macky's Fine Dining Recipes

Hey Asshole.

Just got done watching the debate between Barrack Hussein and my man, McCain. McCain won it good and hard. Hussein looked like a racoon in the headlights, which brings me to fine dining.

See, I'm country. I'm all about a good dinner. And I know how to make it, too, because I learned you gotta' cook stuff to kill bacteria or you'll get the stinging runs for a week or so. That's how you spoil yer' pants.

So here's you some recipies right outta Wacky Macky's kitchen you can try at home.


Possum:

Get a possum off the road. Put it in a pan with some lard. When it's smoking, let it cool a little bit and then pick off yer meat and dip it in the Publix Salsa sauce. Make sure you pull out the hair first. Good!


Racoon:

Get a Racoon off the road. Put it in a pan with some lard. When it's smoking, let it cool a little bit and then pick off yer meat and dip it in Publix Salsa sauce. Make sure you pull out the hair first. Good!


Skunk:

Get a skunk off the road. Put it in a pan with some lard. When it's smoking, let it cool a little bit and then pick off yer meat and dip it in Publix Salsa sauce. Make sure you pull out the hair first. Good! Save the stink sack for the end. That there's what they call a delicacy.


Squirrel:

Get a squirrel off the road. Put it in a pan with some lard. When it's smoking, let it cool a little bit and then pick off yer meat and dip it in Publix Salsa sauce. Make sure you pull out the hair first. Not much meat on 'em, but who give's a rat's ass.


Rat:

Get a rat off the road. Put it in a pan with some lard. When it's smoking, let it cool a little bit and then pick off yer meat and dip it in Publix Salsa sauce. Make sure you pull out the hair first. Eat the ass last. Makes for a funny time at the table. "Look, dumbass, I ate rat ass!" Fucking helarious. Not much meat on 'em, but who gives a shit.


Poop:

You can cook yer' own poop in a pinch. If a nuklar bomb went off and you were lucky enough to survive and all the animals are dead but fer you, there's not much else to eat except your own poop. You could eat your arms, but then how are you gonna' get your poop? But you can't just eat it outta' your own asshole. How you gonna' bend down there to get it? If you could do that, why wouldn't you? Nope. You gotta' scoop it outta there and put it in a hot pan with some lard. A little salt and pepper, and believe me, it'll fill you up good. Always has, always will. Better get ready to use this here poop recipe, because if Obama Hussien gets in there, Nuklar war! And then you gotta' eat yer' poop.

I may vote the Nader ticket.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! I Got Some Fag Rules!

Hey Asshole.

We got to get a few things straight, and by straight, I mean not fag.

There's right and there's wrong. And if your not right, you're wrong. That there is some Wacky Macky wisdom, and it don't belong in a man's butt. Nothing should go in there unless it's handled by a doctor who ain't queer, or your wife.

So I got some fag rules to live by, just so the homos don't ever have to wonder why they're God's mistakes.

1. I can get with two woman, and there ain't nothing wrong with that. But two men on one woman, there's libel to be something touching that don't belong together. Two snakes in the grass never did nothing but fight it out. That's number one.

2. Old men looking at teen boys. That's wrong, and it's wrong all together. You go right to hell with that kind of lookin'. Now if'n a man's straight, and you know old Wacky Macky only sleeps with people what got a cooter and boobs, he got every right to look at a young purty girl of the ages of 12 and up, long as he don't touch one 'till they're legal, and in my trailer, that's when they got hair on the tangerine. Nothing wrong with that. That's healthy nature right there.

3. If a man teacher or minister is trying to get with a teen boy in class or church, he needs to be shot before he's electrocuted, gassed, and beat up. Now if it's a teen boy who's being fondled by a woman teacher or preacher, there's nothing wrong there at all. That's how learning gets done. Wish I was half them boys getting picked up by them hot blond sugar mamas. That's how I learnt and God put them women down hear to teach us men right so we have healthy babies. Everyone knows that.

4. Nothing in the poop shoot that's between men. Covered that in number one.

5. Don't be looking at my pecker in the rest room unless you're a lady teacher or preacher. If you don't have two melons and a snatch patch, keep your eyes on yorn and yorn alone. I can't pee when a man's looking at my billy-bob. And when I can't pee, I get riled.

6. I ain't saying I'm against queers, I'm just saying they shouldn't ever been born and if they was born, they need to be living on their own island. They could call it Buttpole Island or Hot Dog Island, or whatever the fucks goin' on with them weird fags. That's number six.

God Damn! I just shit my pants again. What the fuck am I eating here?


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! You Can Drink Yer Pee.

Hey Asshole.

I'm talking about water here. I know I said some mean things about science, but that's just for the dopes what don't understand it. I'm reading about water, how we're using it up and soon there won't be any water in California.

Hey Asshole! That's where the good water in bottles comes from. It ain't got no Government residue in it and they put it in a little plastic container so you can keep it around the house long enough to survive a nukalar war, and you know it's coming, asshole.

But you gotta' use yer head here and think about it scientifically, like I have. Okay, I'll lay it out for you. The world's got a protective shield around it called the zone-O, and it's in a layer. That keeps all the stuff here on Earth from floating out there and getting into the vacuum of space where it's gonna' die out there.

Now tell me this: how's the water gonna' get out of that zone-O? Ain't no fuckin' way. So if the water can't go nowhere, how we gonna' run out of it? See, that's just common sense. Then they say we're pollutin' it. Well, you get a filter for that and that'll take out all the pollution and the Government residue. There you are. Plenty for everyone.

Yeah, I read the dang article and it was saying about how some people don't have access to no good water. Mostly children and old ladies. Well I got some advice for those assholes. Hey ASSHOLE! You gotta' get outta' there. There ain't no good water. Get going and move where the good water is. What are you, some kind of dumb? It's just science and common sense.

Summing up here, basic bottom line is this. Water can't escape the zone-O and go in space, so we ain't running out of no water any time soon. Part two, if your water's polluted, you gotta' filter that shit. If you ain't got no filter, move to California.

What kind of an asshole doesn't know that?

All this talk is making me need to pee. You can drink that too if there ain't no water. It's good for you, asshole. That's how you survive in the dessert.


-- Wacky Macky