Hey Asshole! I Made Me a Health Club!

Hey Asshole! I'm a fat fucking blob.

No wonder no whores will fuck me. Bitches!

If I was a whore, not even for money would I fuck my own damn self.

Not as fat a blob as I am, and asshole, I'm a fat fucking blob.

So I gone and made myself a health club right here in the trailer.

And that's smart, because since I made it and it's mine, I don't have to pay no fee to use it. Only down side is there's no sweaty ladies running on treadmills with their boobs flopping up and down. I sure do like it when their boobs do that.

On the other hand, I can use the money I'm saving to get me a UFO. That's the idea here. I figure in about a year or so, I should have enough money saved up for the construction plans. You can get them plans offn the Internet. I use the Internet machine at the library when I don't smell too bad. Don't know where to get an anti-gravity wave amplifier though, but I'll figure that one out when I get to it.

So first thing I made was a push-up machine. I use the floor for that. You just get down there and do push-ups on the floor, and there's that machine done. I can get two good ones and one bad one so far. My chest is gonna' be a steel barrier. You'll see, asshole.

Then for pull-ups (that's the opposite of a push up), I hammered a bar up in the door frame. I got one good pull-up and the fucking thing broke. I can't tell you enough how much I hate termites wrecking my health club.

I may try the other door frame over there after the pain in my arms gets to quittin. And Jesus on two sticks, I can't tell you enough how much it hurts to do exersizes like push-ups and pull-ups when yore hand is broke. I'm gonna' give the pain I got in my hand right now about a nine or ten. One thing for sure, you're not supposed to bleed on a push-up, and that's a lot of what I'm seeing right here.

Then I got the sit-ups. I bent the back of a chair so it leans further back than it's supposed to. Now what I do is I get on there and crunch my stomach and that's my sit-up. I can get about four sit-ups. That's not the opposite of a push-up, but it's a little to the side of it.

Opposide. That's a funny word. I just made that word up. I'm gonna' use it. That's a smart word I made. Opposide.

Finally, I got my treadmill. What I do is I start walking in the puddle of shit that used to be my dog. My feet slip and slid in that goo to where I'm walking but I'm not going anywhere. That's a good dog! I'm glad I didn't throw it out.

Shouldn't be too long now before I'm built up good and strong. Then I can get me some whores that'll have sex with me. And when I get them whores, I'm gonna' get their boobies to flop around the way I like it. Then it'll be a real health club and I can get my UFO and get the fuck out of here.

That's the plan so far.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! I'm Healthy!

Hey Asshole!

I was sitting her thinking about how I never get sick, unless I'm puking beer. No colds, no flu, no warts and fungus. And then I come across this article here that tells the truth. And I knew it all along 'cause I've been doing it every day since I can remember. And what I'm talking about is picking the boogers out of my nose and eating 'em.

So I'm reading how this doctor says I'm right! I was right all along. Didn't need no doctor to tell me so. Hey Asshole! You hear me? I put my finger up in there, root around for a ripe one, pull that sucker out and eat.

No colds, no flu, no warts and fungus.

Never go to the doctor or the hospital, 'cause that's where the sick people go.

I ain't sick! I'm eating boogers!


-- Wacky Macky



P.S.

Hey Asshole! Here's what I read on my machine. You'd be wise to eat yorn too!


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Doctor Backs Picking Your Nose And Eating It


Picking your nose and eating it is one of the best ways to stay healthy, according to a top Austrian doctor.

Innsbruck-based lung specialist Prof Dr Friedrich Bischinger said people who pick their noses with their fingers were healthy, happier and probably better in tune with their bodies.

He says society should adopt a new approach to nose-picking and encourage children to take it up.

Dr Bischinger said: "With the finger you can get to places you just can't reach with a handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner.

"And eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of strengthening the body's immune system.

"Medically it makes great sense and is a perfectly natural thing to do. In terms of the immune system the nose is a filter in which a great deal of bacteria are collected, and when this mixture arrives in the intestines it works just like a medicine.

"Modern medicine is constantly trying to do the same thing through far more complicated methods, people who pick their nose and eat it get a natural boost to their immune system for free. "

He pointed out that children happily pick their noses, yet by the time they have become adults they have stopped under pressure from a society that has branded it disgusting and anti social.
He said: "I would recommend a new approach where children are encouraged to pick their nose. It is a completely natural response and medically a good idea as well."

And he pointed out that if anyone was really worried about what their neighbour was thinking, they could still enjoy picking their nose in private if they still wanted to get the benefits it offered.