Hey Asshole! I'm Healthy!

Hey Asshole!

I was sitting her thinking about how I never get sick, unless I'm puking beer. No colds, no flu, no warts and fungus. And then I come across this article here that tells the truth. And I knew it all along 'cause I've been doing it every day since I can remember. And what I'm talking about is picking the boogers out of my nose and eating 'em.

So I'm reading how this doctor says I'm right! I was right all along. Didn't need no doctor to tell me so. Hey Asshole! You hear me? I put my finger up in there, root around for a ripe one, pull that sucker out and eat.

No colds, no flu, no warts and fungus.

Never go to the doctor or the hospital, 'cause that's where the sick people go.

I ain't sick! I'm eating boogers!


-- Wacky Macky



P.S.

Hey Asshole! Here's what I read on my machine. You'd be wise to eat yorn too!


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Doctor Backs Picking Your Nose And Eating It


Picking your nose and eating it is one of the best ways to stay healthy, according to a top Austrian doctor.

Innsbruck-based lung specialist Prof Dr Friedrich Bischinger said people who pick their noses with their fingers were healthy, happier and probably better in tune with their bodies.

He says society should adopt a new approach to nose-picking and encourage children to take it up.

Dr Bischinger said: "With the finger you can get to places you just can't reach with a handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner.

"And eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of strengthening the body's immune system.

"Medically it makes great sense and is a perfectly natural thing to do. In terms of the immune system the nose is a filter in which a great deal of bacteria are collected, and when this mixture arrives in the intestines it works just like a medicine.

"Modern medicine is constantly trying to do the same thing through far more complicated methods, people who pick their nose and eat it get a natural boost to their immune system for free. "

He pointed out that children happily pick their noses, yet by the time they have become adults they have stopped under pressure from a society that has branded it disgusting and anti social.
He said: "I would recommend a new approach where children are encouraged to pick their nose. It is a completely natural response and medically a good idea as well."

And he pointed out that if anyone was really worried about what their neighbour was thinking, they could still enjoy picking their nose in private if they still wanted to get the benefits it offered.

Hey Asshole, Get The Hell Outta' There - Part II

Hey Assholes!

You gotta' get the hell out of Texas. God sent another hurlycane down to get George Bush's home town. Bush sure don't deserve this kind of treatment. I mean, he didn't get no blow jobs in office, he didn't take away my gun, he's a man of God... what the fuck's goin' on here? Best President the USA ever had and look what's happening now. Least they named it Ike, but I don't know no women named Ike. I thought they named storms after women. I'd name a storm Vagelina. I'd name my first kid Vagelina too. That's a pretty name.

I think God was aiming at New Orleans again, where all the freaks have their homo leather parade... and sumabitchen global warming from Al Gore's mouth pushed it to the wrong place. Now look whatcha did, you Nobel winning Peace Prize monkey suit socialist! Shut yer damn yap. There's no room in this country for your opinion of science. Everybody knows science is just made up stuff that you can make math out of. But who's got time for math? What's if for? If I want to know how old a tree is, I'll just chop it down and count the rings. That's how you be an environmentalist!

So Assholes, you better get the fuck outta' there and take your guns and horses with you. This one's got ugly written all over it. Specially you people in trailers. They go right up in the tornados. I seen it happen on Wizard of Oz, and house killed a woman. It's government magnets they put in there to monitor your brain. They're pulling in the tornados and wrecking our trailers, just like in the Wizard of Oz.

You know what happens then. Midgets. Every where you look. I don't want that to happen to Texas! It'll ruin how everything's big in Texas, and then what? Midgets all over the place.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole, I've Been Drinking Steel Reserve...

Hey Asshole,

I been drinking about all day so I'm guessing I may only make sense to myself right now over here. But I got to put down what I'm thinkin' when I get to drinkin'.

And here's what I'm thinkin'. I watch a lot of Star Trek. And I'm thinkin' Sarah Palin looks just like Captain Janaway with her hair all up in a bun like that. And it ain't a stretch to picture Mr. Tuvok, the Vulcan, looking like Obama.

You know what? I say fuck it. Let's get 'em together and have 'em run the space ship. She could say, "Fire, Mr. Tuvok," and he could press the red button and nuke all the sombitches that are fucking with the USA! Weeeeehoooo the fuck WEEE! That's the way. Why not. They had a Chinese Jap on the first Trek with that gay Sulu what the fuck's his name anyway. Now he's working for Howard Stern. Liberal commie prick jew.

So then McCain, 'cause he's older than the dirt in my drawers, he could be like Captain Kirk from the first bunch of Star Treks, and he could kick that fag Sulu outta there. Gotta' throw out Uhura too 'cause she's too dark to work the radio. Kick her off, and then we got something there.

I tell ya', Steel Reserve makes me want to put us all together for a common cause and kill them people that ain't like us with a nuklar bomb from our space ship with Commander McCain, Captain Palin, and Janitor Obama, who'll have to come in after we get done and clean up our mess.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole, I Did a Funny Thing!

Hey asshole. I smoked too much of my back medicine and drank too much of my beer and ate too many of my pills. And I was sittin' on the couch watchin' a cartoon and I thought, why not run around outside naked.

So I ran out there and down the road to where that old bitch Agnes lives, and I waved my pecker at her. It was a funny thing I did there. Made her scream and throw her scissors at me. Stupid whore.

Then she calls the police. They been out three times this week cause I can't stop cause it's so damn funny. Me shaking my pecker at Agnes. I may run out there again in a minute or two before the cops get here.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole: The Best of Wacky Macky Quotes

"If you ain't right, you're wrong."
-- Wacky Macky


"Everyone knows Jesus was white and has pretty blond hair."
-- Wacky Macky


"Shoulda had the olympics in America, where they came from."
-- Wacky Macky


"I just don't want to go in the men's room and have to see a woman pissing in the urinal with her dick."
-- Wacky Macky


"I'm gonna' sue you bitches, just as soon as I get the power back on in the trailer."
-- Wacky Macky


"Hey, Asshole! If you're a Spic, how are you going to make fun of a Chinese Jap like that? You people can't even speka-de-English."
-- Wacky Macky


"Don't fuck with me. I'll get your brain and fix it so it works my way."
-- Wacky Macky


"I ain't picking on God, I'm just saying he done some weird shit."
-- Wacky Macky


"Where's my beer. Goddamn, I'm a stupid motherfucker sometimes."
-- Wacky Macky


"I hate you, asshole. You are such an asshole."
-- Wacky Macky


"President Bush was the best President this country ever had."
-- Wacky Macky


"Ronald Reagan knew what he was doing when he made AIDS."
-- Wacky Macky


"There's a lot of people here on earth. Could be millions of 'em."
-- Wacky Macky


"Some of you know I take a dump in a cat box instead of a toilet so Government water won't splash in my colon and give me cancer."
-- Wacky Macky



... and you can quote me on all of these, asshole.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole, I Got a Thing I'm Dealing With Here...

Some of you know I take a dump in a cat box instead of a toilet so Government water won't splash in my colon and give me cancer. And I'm using Publix clumping litter in there because it's only $2.29 a box and it's good for about a month.

When you think about how much you gotta' spend to keep a toilet running; $2 for the blue things, $2 cleaning scrub pads, .39 cents for rubber gloves so you don't get old poop on yer hands, $2 for the Government water if you flush after pissin', $2 for toilet paper (which I don't need with the litter 'cause I just reach down and grab some litter and rub it around on my rose... that takes most of it off), what you come out to is $8.39 vs. $2.29 for a box of litter.

If my math is right, I'm saving $6.61 which is exactly the price, including tax (and fuck the IRS if I may say so), for a pack of generic smokes and a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon. It's just common sense there, asshole.

Kitty litter.


-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole, Use Yer Common Sense!

There's a lot of people here on earth. Could be millions of 'em. But I'm tellin' you assholes, you gotta' use yer common sense. I've seen some ignorant shit, and we're gonna git it straight.

#1. Men going with men not only makes no sense, it's illegal 'cause God said so. It's right there in Exodus. Don't eat no shellfish bottom dwelling critters and don't put your pecker in a man's ass. I mean, Good God! That's where you go the bathroom from. I'm sticking to good old American pussy!

#2. Stop electing assholes. We got to get John McCain and that hot mama, Sand-dog Palin in that white house quick! If Obama gets ahold of it, they'll be playing rap music at all hours of the night, and while that's happening, the Chinese Japs will come down here with them Arabian Muslim Towel people and bomb the Vietnam Memorial. You know what's gonna' happen if that happens? All out nukalar bombs every which-a-way. You think you seen global warming? Wait 'till the Chinese Japs and Iran and Osama start lobbing nukalar bombs with the good ol' USA. We're talking... sea will be ready to go fish soup, man! Are you out of yer' fucking mind, asshole?

#3. We gotta' find the real Big Foot and eat him. Eat them all. There's no doubt about that. If they start making Big Foots out there in the woods, enough to where they come into our territory and try to get our milk, it'll be too late. Nobody fucks with my milk. Those boys never should have faked they found a Big Foot. It's gonna' make it harder to know the real one when he gets in there and takes your milk. Those guys didn't have no common sense.

#4. It's time somebody finally came out and said it. If I have to be the only man in America to say it, so be it. Don't scare me none. So here it is, right out of my mouth: Ronald Reagan knew what he was doing when he made AIDS.

#5. Check your ass every morning. If it feels sore and it's got it's mouth open up a bit... aliens. They was in there for sure. They've been doing it for a hundred years. They're good at it. I don't know what they need out of there, but by now, they sure got a lot of it.

#6. If you're white and you're wearing your pants so your ass shows and you're walking down the street trying to rap while you make pretend gang signs in the air, and you cross my trailer doing that silly shit, I'm gonna' have to shoot. It's okay if your black, that's what you folks do. But white kids got no business doing that. You don't got the right, and you don't got no rhythm. If yer black, go on with yer bad self. Don't bother me none, just keep it off my lawn.

#7. I'm talking to you asshole birds now that are peckin' up my medicine patch out in the yard. Get your fucking beak out of my medicine patch. That there is for me. You hear me? I can't stand birds when they get in my area and do bird shit.

#8. Hey Asshole. Use your common sense. President Bush was the best President this country ever had. You got no idea all the crazy shit goes on in the world. He knows better than you do, believe me. I know, 'cause one thing you can never know about me is I was ex-CIA. That's something nobody'll tell you. Not even me. That's how top secret it is.

#9. I hate you, asshole. You are such an asshole. If you read the last 8 things I told you, maybe you'd start using yer common sense and you wouldn't be an asshole. But nobody listens to people who know their shit. And that's what I'm tellin' you: ex-CIA. I'll be in yer' closet with a cancer syringe. You'll never know it was me. God-damn! Spilt my beer into the keyboardddf..gaj;a;gjagrejk jraigejg 4jgeio4g;jrgreaklg;erkgaajgrei;lgjega;igaleg;aekgega;lkjealgkejrgl;eajgaegrel;aeigrejae;lgerj gaelirgje rglrejg relijg rg jafufckafuejie;fwejflijthis aiwejl;tjei/ ti shit ijwetalligj efufckjia;eltjawejgiewa;lgjewg