Hey Asshole! The Wack is BACK!

Top of the morning, to ya', Asshole!

The Doc hooked me up to one of them bags of food they stick in yer arm. I knew 911 was good fer something. I'm talking nine, one one. Not the bombing thing them towel heads did in NYC.

I told the ambulance driver somebody shot my dog and pushed me down and stole my food. Now I'm getting Federal aid cause I'm a veteran, and they're feeding me this bag of liquid food. I told 'em my back hurts and I don't have no more back medicine, and now they're giving me morphine. Oh mercy, it's good shit.

And they're giving me these little white pills called Vicodin. Seems like the more they feed me, the better I feel. Doc got the wires outta' my mouth roof and he says I'm healing up real good. Shouldn't be too long before I can eat possum again. You got my recipe earlier in this deal.

So the nurse was soaping me up with a sponge yesterday and my little man popped outta' my gown and puked on her. I couldn't tell if she was smiling or if she was grittin' her teeth because she was grossed out. I tell ya' if a man put his drip on me, I'd shoot that motherfucker. But then again, I'm not a nurse. They're supposed to help you get better, and ain't nobody ever got better gettin' shot.

So I got me a new plan. I'm gonna' fix up my trailer when I get home. Gonna' paint it. Gonna' paint it camouflage. Gonna' get some more guns and some grenades from my buddy, Spence, down the way there on the other side of the old whore bitch. He's got a real tank from Germany that he got on Craig's list. That fellow Craig must be the luckiest somabitch on the planet with all the shit he's got to sell.

Anyway, I'm gonna' change the litter in my toilet and start new. It's time to start thinking about the end of my life here, because I'm just crazy enough to do it. So long as it's fun. And the way to make it fun is to pull on your noodle.

Guns, Vicodin, Morphine, a bag of food that goes in yer' arm, a nurse, grenades, and camouflage paint. And then what you do is you yank on yer' noodle. Three to twelve times a day. I tell you, someone walking in on me yanking my noodle with all them drugs and guns and shit, they'd be right freaked out. That's what I'm tellin' you. I'm the wackiest somabitch this side of the fart factory. Don't mess with my noodle. I got her handled.

Outta my way, commie! I'm coming home!


-- Wacky Macky