Saturday, November 22, 2008

Hey Asshole. I'm a Goddam Lady!

Well, that didn't go so well.

I shot my dick off and the umbrella is still sticking out of it.

Never seen my dick stuck to the wall like that.

Kinda funny looking at my dick hanging on the wall with an umbrella sticking out of it.

Probably shoulda maybe used a .22 instead of a shotgun 'cause most of the middle of me ain't where it was before I fucked this up.

I'm starting to think I'm a Wacky somovabitch, maybe the wackiest one there ever was.

And that there piece of me stuck on the wall, well, that's something I can be proud of. It shows I mattered.

Thing is, I might have kilt me off on this one.

Yup, thre's no dobatowtit.

Hey Asshole! There's a Cocktail Umbrella Sticking Out of my Dick Hole!

Well here it is.

I get the prize for about the stupidest motherfucker I can possibly be.

What I never told no one before was that a couple years back, I got to where I was sticking stuff in my dick hole. I don't know why I done it. It's just one of my holes and I feel I have the right to root around in there if I want to.

So I had the tip of a little paint brush in there, I had an apple seed, there was a ice pick, you know, shit like that. Couldn't work the shoe horn in there, but maybe I was asking for too much.

Anyway, the more shit I stuck in my dick hole, the easier it was to stick bigger shit in there. And weirder shit in there too, like the end of an uncooked spaghetti, which broke off by the way, in three pieces. Why the hell is a stick of spaghetti breaking into three? Happens every time. Some scientist oughta do a spearmint on that one. I had to pee that spaghetti deal out after it softened up a bit. And the chop stick was some sort of major feat for me. Take that, you Asian motherfuckers!

Well last night, if I ain't the stupidest motherfucker of all of 'em, I was drinkin' my Mojito and I always like to put a cocktail umbrella in my drink so I can pretend I'm fancy. And the drunker I got, the more I got to lookin' that umbrella. And I thought to myself, now Wacky, that would be a pretty weird thing to stick in yer dick hole if you could get it up in there. Who in the world has done that before? Nobody. Me! I'd be the only one and that would make me some kind of special.

It would be like I could finally have a life and done something nobody in the world could do. My claim to fame. Hey asshole! Let's see you do this! See there? Got a cocktail umbrella in my dickhole. Can you do that? That's right, asshole. No. Why? Cause I'm the only one.


But there come a little problem that I couldn't wrap my mind around until I started to realize that a cocktail umbrella is just like a real umbrella only smaller. So it went in pretty good but when I tried to yank it out of there, the umbrella prongs opened up and stuck into my inside hose. The more I yanked on it, the more wedged in there it got and now it's like I'm pissing some blood and a little meat is coming out of there too.

I think I really fucked up my weiner on this one.

I can't stop fucking myself up, even when I don't mean to.

You know what? Fuck it! I hate everybody anyway. I'm gonna' get my shotgun and blow my fucking brains out. Finally! Been waiting for this for a long time. Now I got my chance. That's right folks, I'm gonna' stand here nekid with the end of a cocktail umbrella sticking out of my dick hole and blow my fucking head off.

Goodbye, asshole! It's been a fun bunch of blogging what I did here, but the President's black, I can't get my fucking UFO together, my dog is a puddle of worms, my bed is covered with shit, girls don't like me for some reason, what's the point of it all anyway.

Hey, wait a minute. Something smart is coming into my brain. Gimmie a minute...

You know what? I bet I could shoot that umbrella out of me.

I don't have to go and kill myself over this one. There could be plenty of more stupid shit for me to do if I don't blow my head off. Here's what's what. I'm gonna shoot that umbrella out of my God damned dick hole. That'll fix her. It's the right tool for the right job.

See there? There's a lesson to be learned. Don't ever write yourself off when you have a gun. Worse comes to worse, you can always fire your weapon into your dick. Hell, it's my house and my gun.

Let's see how this one's gonna go...

-- Wacky Macky

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Hey Asshole! I'm Gonna' Get Some Baby Penises For My Skin!

I just found me a way to get laid here.

I was rootin' around the Internet machine at the library, and I found this here news item:


11/20/2008 03:11 AM

ID: 74979
New Cure for Wrinkles Made from Babies' Penises

A new treatment for wrinkles is on the horizon. It's a new product called Vavelta, which is produced from microscopic cells cultured from the foreskin of babies penises.

Clinical trials that took place in London used foreskin material from the U.S. and the results were positive.

Although some may find being injected with penis somewhat distasteful, some could find it more appealing than being injected with alternative treatments, which in some cases are made from toxic substances.


I know I ain't the purtiest lump on the stump. But I recon if I inject my face with baby penises, all my wrinkles and ugliness will go away and then bitches all over creation will want to yank on my pecker. This is better than a health club and better than a UFO.

Baby penises!

I wish I would have thought of this in the first place. I would have saved me a whole lot of pain, blood, puke, my dog, and heartache.

-- Wacky Macky

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Hey Asshole! I Shit the Bed!

Hey Asshole.

I know you're probably thinking to yerself, this Asshole Wacky Macky, all he talks about is sick shit that happened to him and it's so gross. Well asshole, that's what happens to Ol' Wacky Macky. I ain't pulling no punches. I said I tell the truth and when stuff happens, even if it's sick, I feel a duty to blog it on this here bloggin' place.

It's not like I was tryin' to shit all over the bed. Who'd do a thing like that on purpose? I'm just saying I couldn't hold my rose together and a mess of poop fell out of there and on the bed. There it is for you, in black and white. And a little green and a piece of yellow. I'm gonna' say corn. There's no doubt. There's always one of those little fuckers in your poop.

So I didn't know all that crap come outta' me and I was pitching and rolling around in it because I was having a dream that I was a pig rolling around in the mud. And in the dream, the farmer comes up and throws some feed into the mud and naturally, being a hungry pig, I go down there to eat it all up.

That's the only way I can think that I got so much poop on my face. I think during the night, I was probably trying to eat it thinking it was feed for a pig, when in reality it were my own poop and now maybe it is gross. But it's the truth. Sometimes the truth is gross. That don't mean I ain't gonna tell you I might have been eating poop in my sleep thinking it was pig feed from a dream I had.

Now I'm not ashamed of it. Probably everybody at one time or another has eaten some of their bed poop. It's natural. So long as I didn't do it on purpose, there's nothing wrong with it. And I can't say it tasted so bad, but I can't say it was something I'd go out of my way to order in a fancy restaurant.

And looking at the mess on the bed, and how some of it is wiggling, I'm gonna have to eat some of the leftover dog worm medicine. 'Cause these are some big fucking worms I'm looking at here. That's not gross. It's just the truth. Sometimes the truth is eatin' poop with worms in it.

Fuck me, looks like I'm barfin' on the poop now... Gimmie a minute here...

-- Wacky Macky

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Hey Asshole! Where's My Dingaling?

Hi there, asshole.

I been working out for a day now. I done three or four push-ups, a pull-up, and about four sit-ups. I don't see no change what ever. I'm thinking this working out is some kind of bullshit. Where's my dingaling? I still can't see it. And now I got dog juice on my feet.

I tell you, this thing just ain't working out for me.

I was gonna' charge people to use my gym, but when I look at it and I see what it's done for me, nobody's gonna' pay to work out in here. I'm pretty clear on that one.

And if I can't get no money for people coming to my gym, how am I gonna' buy them plans for the UFO?

I'm starting to come to some sense. Here's the sense: Seems like everything I do is fucked up. That's what I found out today. I'd try something new, but if everything I do is fucked up, well you know how the new thing's gonna' turn out.

I don't see how to win it. Who's gonna' pay me and what for? Every day it's just more shit I gotta' do. I think I got a pee stone.

I need to do some thinking and think this through. I gotta' think of something really smart. Let me see if I can do that. Probably fuck it up somehow. My brain don't go. Something's got under my toe nail now. Gotta' scrape that outta' there. What the fuck is that? Is it moving?

Gonna' play some Bee Gees. Them fellers always cheer me up.

-- Wacky Macky

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Hey Asshole! I Made Me a Health Club!

Hey Asshole! I'm a fat fucking blob.

No wonder no whores will fuck me. Bitches!

If I was a whore, not even for money would I fuck my own damn self.

Not as fat a blob as I am, and asshole, I'm a fat fucking blob.

So I gone and made myself a health club right here in the trailer.

And that's smart, because since I made it and it's mine, I don't have to pay no fee to use it. Only down side is there's no sweaty ladies running on treadmills with their boobs flopping up and down. I sure do like it when their boobs do that.

On the other hand, I can use the money I'm saving to get me a UFO. That's the idea here. I figure in about a year or so, I should have enough money saved up for the construction plans. You can get them plans offn the Internet. I use the Internet machine at the library when I don't smell too bad. Don't know where to get an anti-gravity wave amplifier though, but I'll figure that one out when I get to it.

So first thing I made was a push-up machine. I use the floor for that. You just get down there and do push-ups on the floor, and there's that machine done. I can get two good ones and one bad one so far. My chest is gonna' be a steel barrier. You'll see, asshole.

Then for pull-ups (that's the opposite of a push up), I hammered a bar up in the door frame. I got one good pull-up and the fucking thing broke. I can't tell you enough how much I hate termites wrecking my health club.

I may try the other door frame over there after the pain in my arms gets to quittin. And Jesus on two sticks, I can't tell you enough how much it hurts to do exersizes like push-ups and pull-ups when yore hand is broke. I'm gonna' give the pain I got in my hand right now about a nine or ten. One thing for sure, you're not supposed to bleed on a push-up, and that's a lot of what I'm seeing right here.

Then I got the sit-ups. I bent the back of a chair so it leans further back than it's supposed to. Now what I do is I get on there and crunch my stomach and that's my sit-up. I can get about four sit-ups. That's not the opposite of a push-up, but it's a little to the side of it.

Opposide. That's a funny word. I just made that word up. I'm gonna' use it. That's a smart word I made. Opposide.

Finally, I got my treadmill. What I do is I start walking in the puddle of shit that used to be my dog. My feet slip and slid in that goo to where I'm walking but I'm not going anywhere. That's a good dog! I'm glad I didn't throw it out.

Shouldn't be too long now before I'm built up good and strong. Then I can get me some whores that'll have sex with me. And when I get them whores, I'm gonna' get their boobies to flop around the way I like it. Then it'll be a real health club and I can get my UFO and get the fuck out of here.

That's the plan so far.

-- Wacky Macky

Monday, November 10, 2008

Hey Asshole! I'm Pissed, Asshole!

Hi there, asshole.

Boy am I pissed the fart off!

I woke up angry, and I'm gonna' do something about it. Haven't decided what, yet. Went to the fridge to get an egg. There's no god damned eggs in there. That made me angry and I punched the fridge and broke my god damn hand, right in the middle of it. There's a bone sticking out. Fucking Obama!

I got this smelly dog rotting in my trailer, and I can't get it out of here. It's too gooey to pick up in one piece. I keep looking at it and wondering what to do, but there's nothing comes to mind. Maybe it will melt into the floor soon through the floor boards. There's worms and ants crawling around in my dog. Maybe they'll take care of it. Somavabitchin Obama!

Found a spot on my penis that I don't know what it is. I picked at it, and now it's bleeding. Broke my hand, got a spot on my penis, and my dog's rotting. Obama!

I gotta do something or my anger may just get to where it makes everything all screwed up, and that's when trouble starts. I gotta go shoot something, get an egg, find a band-aid for my penis, and immobolize my hand so it don't heal backwards. Fucking Obama!

I gotta get a UFO. There's no doubt about it. Think of all the stuff I could do on a UFO. That may be the only way out of here. Hey, I made myself laugh. I threw the ball at the dog and it broke through and now it's in my dog's stomach.

That's the funniest thing you could ever see, if your dog was like my dog.

-- Wacky Macky

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Hey Asshole! I Been Thinking for About Two Minutes Here...


America spoke.

I gotta' go with my country, even though they called black.

So how do I get with it? Here's ol' Wacky Macky's guide to how to be right with the country when we got a black in the White House.

Wacky Macky's Guide to Fittin' In in the New America!:

#1. Gotta' drop my pants below the waist. That's an easy one. I do that anyway so people can see my crack.

#2. Got to get some crack. Covered that in #1.

#3. Need to fix up my lingo. There's things to say proper now that the President's gonna' be black. Here's some phrases to help out:

a. Lemmie hold a dime. (Don't say borrow, say hold. That's the black way.)

b. I'm zizzle with the zazzle, mofo. (Learnt that off'n television.)

c. Sup. (That means, hi there, how you doing?)

l. Homie, you need to chill, bitch. (Say that when someone's trying to fight.)

r. Blingo. (That's fancy for lingo.)

I gotta say I'm gonna miss Sarah Palin. We could have shot road kill together. I could have shared my Possum recipe. She could have hunkered down on my pecker on occasion. I coulda shit in her hair. I'm a fucking wack job, you know. I'll shit in a girl's hair, not a problem. I mean, if she's into it and all. I'm not gonna tell you I'll shit in a girl's hair if she's against it. That's just fucking wrong.

And McCain? Well what can I say? He sure fucked up his chances electing Sarah Palin. He looked like her grandfather, and now that's just sick to think about. Who wants to see them two fuckin? If she had a baby by McCain, I'd name it Putty, to match with them other names she gave her kids. What was it? Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow... fucking hippie if you ask me. I hate hippies. They smell like patchouli and underarms. So it would be Track, Trigger, Bristol, Willow, and McCain's baby, Putty. Putty Palin. I like how that sounds.

Anyway, good luck President Obama. I didn't vote for you but I'll stand behind you, just the way we whites always stood behind blacks in our nation's most trying times... and I'm talking times of war when the enemy was shooting at us. Y'all made good cover.

-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole!

Oh my God, the President's black!

-- Wacky Macky

Sunday, November 2, 2008

I'm a Poet, Asshole!

Hey Asshole!

I decided I'm a poet this afternoon because I wrote me a poem. It's purty darn good if you ask me, and I'm gonna' send it to these people that told me if I wrote a poem, they'd put it in a book of poets and I can buy me one for seventy-five bucks.

That's a good deal, and then I'll be published and famous. That'll get me lots of money and I can use that money for the bomb shelter I'm building for the nukes that're gonna' start being shot at us by the Chinese when Obama takes over the country.

One thing about Obama; If he's a muslim and relations with Osama, and if he's a Marxist and a Socialist, and if he wants to teach kids about sex, and if it were his fault the gas price went up, and if he wants surrender in Iraq, and if he pals around with terrorists, and if his Reverend hates the United States of America, well then we must have been dumb as shit to let this dude be a Senator for so long.

And I was thinking this too: If John McCain thinks Obama's dangerous because he went to some meetings with that Ayers the Terrorist guy, then don't that make McCain dangerous because he hung around in the Senate for two years with Obama who's known to hang around that Ayers the Terrorist guy? God I miss you, Ross Perot.

Nader can eat the turds outta' my asshole, Asshole! I ain't wearing no seatbelt. I ain't no sissy!

But back to that thing I was saying about being a poet. I wrote me a poem and this is how I'm gonna' be rich and famous. Soon, I'll get to pal around with Brittany Spears. What man wouldn't like to pop her little stink sack. And if I'm lucky, I'll get to bust one on Paris Hilton. She's so skinny, my pecker would look like Godzilla. If I can get a piece of Martha Stewart, I'll show her where the cupcakes are. That's one creative GILF. That there means Granny I'd Like to Fondle.

Okay, so here's the poem. It's called, I Wrote This Here Poem for You, Whore!

Hey Asshole.
I wrote this here poem for you, whore.

I done wrote it because I was bored.
What's it for?
I don't know, whore.

This poem is gonna' get me famous and rich.
Then I'll have me some money, bitch.
And I can pay for your purty mouth,

To do what it does when you go South.
While your down there, what if I fart?
That shows I love you with all my heart.

I love you right down to the core.
And that's why I wrote you this poem, you whore.

There it is. They say the book comes out in about four months and I'm gonna' buy me one if they select me to be in their book of United States poets. I think they got no reason not to take my poem here. Where am I gonna' get me seventy-five bucks? I may have to sell some of my smokable back medicine.

-- Wacky Macky

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Hey Asshole! I Scared the Shit Outta' Me!

It was about midnight, I rekon.

I got up to go to my litter box and free some pee, and when the light came on, I saw myself in the mirror and it scared me so bad what I saw, I shit all over my leg!

And that's what I did for Halloween, Asshole!

-- Wacky Macky

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Hey Asshole! The Wack is BACK!

Top of the morning, to ya', Asshole!

The Doc hooked me up to one of them bags of food they stick in yer arm. I knew 911 was good fer something. I'm talking nine, one one. Not the bombing thing them towel heads did in NYC.

I told the ambulance driver somebody shot my dog and pushed me down and stole my food. Now I'm getting Federal aid cause I'm a veteran, and they're feeding me this bag of liquid food. I told 'em my back hurts and I don't have no more back medicine, and now they're giving me morphine. Oh mercy, it's good shit.

And they're giving me these little white pills called Vicodin. Seems like the more they feed me, the better I feel. Doc got the wires outta' my mouth roof and he says I'm healing up real good. Shouldn't be too long before I can eat possum again. You got my recipe earlier in this deal.

So the nurse was soaping me up with a sponge yesterday and my little man popped outta' my gown and puked on her. I couldn't tell if she was smiling or if she was grittin' her teeth because she was grossed out. I tell ya' if a man put his drip on me, I'd shoot that motherfucker. But then again, I'm not a nurse. They're supposed to help you get better, and ain't nobody ever got better gettin' shot.

So I got me a new plan. I'm gonna' fix up my trailer when I get home. Gonna' paint it. Gonna' paint it camouflage. Gonna' get some more guns and some grenades from my buddy, Spence, down the way there on the other side of the old whore bitch. He's got a real tank from Germany that he got on Craig's list. That fellow Craig must be the luckiest somabitch on the planet with all the shit he's got to sell.

Anyway, I'm gonna' change the litter in my toilet and start new. It's time to start thinking about the end of my life here, because I'm just crazy enough to do it. So long as it's fun. And the way to make it fun is to pull on your noodle.

Guns, Vicodin, Morphine, a bag of food that goes in yer' arm, a nurse, grenades, and camouflage paint. And then what you do is you yank on yer' noodle. Three to twelve times a day. I tell you, someone walking in on me yanking my noodle with all them drugs and guns and shit, they'd be right freaked out. That's what I'm tellin' you. I'm the wackiest somabitch this side of the fart factory. Don't mess with my noodle. I got her handled.

Outta my way, commie! I'm coming home!

-- Wacky Macky

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Hey Asshole! Got Me a New Diet!

Hey there, Asshole!

It's been awhile since I last poked my keyboard. That's because for a number of reasons.

1. My pills they gave me for the pain in my mouth roof ran out. Right when they did, them giant gerbils went away, and now I got nobody to talk to me.

2. My mouth is sewed shut and I ain't aten in a good week. That there is my new diet plan for all you fat people. Just pull out yer mouth roof with a pair of pliers, fix it at the hospital where they'll sew it up fer ya. Then you can't get no food in there because it's sewed shut. If you un-sew it, you can't chew 'cause the food will poke up there in yer mouth roof and hurt the shit outta yer mouth. There's no way, Asshole.

3. Without nothing to eat, I'm thinking I'm gonna' probably die soon and that'll be the end of this here bloggin' that I been doing.

Yup, ol' Wacky Macky may be on the way to glory, and by glory, I mean dead. I can see it now. Me dead, rottin' away in my trailer next to my damn near already rotted dog. He can't get no ball, and I can't throw it no more, because I'm rotting and dead like the dog is. Can you imagine how much this place will smell?

Nobody will come in here for months. I sure miss them gerbils. Maybe that old bitch down the way will come up here and bring me something to eat. As long as it ain't her pussy... I hope my mouth roof will heal up soon so I can cut out the metal keeping my mouth clamped up.

Fuck a lot of shit if you ask me.

-- Wacky Macky

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Hey Asshole! Here's What I Think About Stuff.

Hi there, Asshole.

How's yer asshole?

Sometime ol Wacky Macky gets to thinking about stuff, and I tell it on here so you get you some wisdom in yer noggin. I've been around enough to know stuff and here's what I think about it. If you don't agree with Wacky Macky, yer an asshole. Ain't that right, poppa gerbil? He says yes it's right. Four days now with no sleep. I think you die shortly after that.

Ol Wacky Macky's Stuff List of Wisdom

Water: Plenty of it. No cause for concern. Can not go into outer space.

Dogs as Pets: Don't kill 'em. They ain't no fun after that and what are you gonna do then? Nothing but smell a rotting dog cause I'm too lazy to throw that fucker outta here.

Women: She'd get the dog outta here and cook for me and slurp on my fun part. That's what they're good for. If only God would fix all women's mouthes the way mine are, they'd stop talking so much when you're going in the back way. You know what I'm talking about here.

Fags: Don't want 'em in my house, mouth, or back door. Nothing that pees goes in my mouth except for my pee, 'cause you could drink that if for some reason there weren't no water, and there's plenty of water, so I do. No parts in my mouth that pee. I'm sticking to good old American pussy.

Teeth: If you got one in the middle of your mouth roof, don't pull that somabitch outta' there. You're in for a world of hurt.

Guns: My God given right! I can legally shoot any body from the Government coming in to my house trying to steal my smokable back medicine. Get off my land! That's a promise.

Glue Sniffin: All for it!

Drinking of All Kinds: Anything with a little alcohol in it, I figure it's medicine to keep me from going off the deep end and taking my gun here and going into the world to kill every fucking living breathing thing out there that ticks me off, startin' with midgets. I hate those little fuckers.

So now you learn you something from what I done wrote above, and you'll be a better man no matter what the fuck you are.

Ooo! Lookie here! Them giant gerbils are fucking each other. I'm gonna' get a piece of this.

-- Wacky Macky

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Hey Asshole... I Got It Good!

Hi there, you fuckin' asshole.

I been thinking about my life.

I been thinking how I drink so much and take so much of my smokable back medicine, and eat all them pills.

I been thinking about how I wave my sack and weiner at the old bitch down the street.

I been thinking about how I'm probably eating the only bigfoot ever to be gunned down, and I ain't tellin' nobody about it but you, asshole.

I been thinking how stupid I get sometimes, like when I pulled out the roof of my mouth, and now I'm bleedin'.

I been thinking about this dog carcass, and how it would still fetch a ball ifn I hadn't a shot it.

I've been looking at these giant squirrels or gerbils or whateverthefuck's they are here now that I haven't slept for three days, I'm drinkin' Steel Reserve, and smokin' up all of my back medicine. That dog's startin' to smell ripe. Least he don't shit the house no more, but that don't make it smell better.

Yeah, asshole, I been thinking about my life. Thinking about how I use a kitty litter box instead of a toilet. How I ain't got no woman in my house that I'm married to so's I can call her what she is... a bitch! No love, nowhere.

I ain't never had no fancy food.

I don't drive no car.

I live in a trailer in the woods and just talk to this here family of giant gerbils and pull my rifle out when the girl scouts come snoopin' around with their cookies and puttin' Government juice into my toilet when I'm sleeping. I know what them little bitches are up to. Don't you worry about that.

And I come to this here conclusion, and it's a statement of fact!

Only thing messing up my nice life here is it's looking like the next President is gonna' be black. But there is an upside. That leaves Sarah Palin the option of doing that Hustler spread I've been waiting for and when I get that issue, I'm gonna spooge all over her purty face.

I may shit on it too, if she's into it.

-- Wacky Macky

Friday, October 3, 2008

Hey Asshole! I'm Seein' Giant Gerbils!

Hey Asshole,

Them doctors what fixed up my mouth give me some pills here, and I know that if one pill will do good, more pills are gonna' do better. So I ate about half of 'em just now because my mouth roof was hurtin' and bleedin'.

Now three hours later, there's a family of giant talkin' gerbils here and we're gettin' along just great. Them gerbils are goofy, because they move so fast you can't hardly see 'em. But they're here and we're having a great old time. I'm not sure what to feed 'em, but I got some dog food I won't be needing.

I'm gonna' give that a try.

-- Wacky Macky

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Hey Asshole! I Wrecked my Mouth!

Hey Asshole! Remember I was tellin' you about the tooth growing out of the center of my mouth roof? Well I got good and drunk on Turkey so I wouldn't get infected and to try and kill all the pain I was gonna' make for myself.

Then I got some pointy pliers to yank out that tooth that wasn't supposed to grow there. Turns out it weren't no tooth. Doctor told me it was a freak thing where my mouth roof (he calls it a hard palate) had got to growin' through my skin there and I ended up pullin' out some of the top of my mouth and a little bit of the insides there. Doc said I ripped out most of my (inferior nasal concha).

I said, "Doc, if it's inferior, can't you put in a new one?"

So I guess that's what they're gonna' try and do. Anyhow, I got my mouth sowed up and glued. When I talk, blood comes out and I see myself in the mirror and it looks like this horror movie I seen once, and I laugh and more blood comes out, and I can't stop laughin' and bleedin.

So that's where it's at, asshole. Check with your Doc before you go yanking on stuff you don't know what it is. That's the learnin' I got from this deal.

-- Wacky Macky

Monday, September 29, 2008

Hey Asshole! Something's Going On with my Mouth!

Hey Asshole!

I was rooting around in my mouth this morning and there's a tooth growing from the center of my mouth roof.

Right in the middle there. What the fuck is that?

I don't think a tooth is supposed to go there.

Now I'm wonderin' if I need to pull it outta' there with the pliers, or will it make it easier to chew and so I keep it? This here problem is gonna' have me working on it all day.

I'll let you know if I pull it out or not, asshole.

-- Wacky Macky

P.S. I got my laundry done and the dog pissed on it. Now I gotta' do it all over again. I shot that dog.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Hey Asshole! It's Wacky Macky's Fine Dining Recipes

Hey Asshole.

Just got done watching the debate between Barrack Hussein and my man, McCain. McCain won it good and hard. Hussein looked like a racoon in the headlights, which brings me to fine dining.

See, I'm country. I'm all about a good dinner. And I know how to make it, too, because I learned you gotta' cook stuff to kill bacteria or you'll get the stinging runs for a week or so. That's how you spoil yer' pants.

So here's you some recipies right outta Wacky Macky's kitchen you can try at home.


Get a possum off the road. Put it in a pan with some lard. When it's smoking, let it cool a little bit and then pick off yer meat and dip it in the Publix Salsa sauce. Make sure you pull out the hair first. Good!


Get a Racoon off the road. Put it in a pan with some lard. When it's smoking, let it cool a little bit and then pick off yer meat and dip it in Publix Salsa sauce. Make sure you pull out the hair first. Good!


Get a skunk off the road. Put it in a pan with some lard. When it's smoking, let it cool a little bit and then pick off yer meat and dip it in Publix Salsa sauce. Make sure you pull out the hair first. Good! Save the stink sack for the end. That there's what they call a delicacy.


Get a squirrel off the road. Put it in a pan with some lard. When it's smoking, let it cool a little bit and then pick off yer meat and dip it in Publix Salsa sauce. Make sure you pull out the hair first. Not much meat on 'em, but who give's a rat's ass.


Get a rat off the road. Put it in a pan with some lard. When it's smoking, let it cool a little bit and then pick off yer meat and dip it in Publix Salsa sauce. Make sure you pull out the hair first. Eat the ass last. Makes for a funny time at the table. "Look, dumbass, I ate rat ass!" Fucking helarious. Not much meat on 'em, but who gives a shit.


You can cook yer' own poop in a pinch. If a nuklar bomb went off and you were lucky enough to survive and all the animals are dead but fer you, there's not much else to eat except your own poop. You could eat your arms, but then how are you gonna' get your poop? But you can't just eat it outta' your own asshole. How you gonna' bend down there to get it? If you could do that, why wouldn't you? Nope. You gotta' scoop it outta there and put it in a hot pan with some lard. A little salt and pepper, and believe me, it'll fill you up good. Always has, always will. Better get ready to use this here poop recipe, because if Obama Hussien gets in there, Nuklar war! And then you gotta' eat yer' poop.

I may vote the Nader ticket.

-- Wacky Macky

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Hey Asshole! I Just Found Out Clay Aiken's a Fag!

Good holy Jesus, Mary and child!

Here I was runnin' my mouth about how I think queers need to have an island, and my favorite singer comes out in People Magazine holding his baby and tellin' America he's a poop pusher!

Same God Damned thing happened to my favorite singer, Liberace, and then again with my favorite singer, Elton John.

And it makes me wonder the logical scientific question. It it me liking these guys that's doing it to them? Am I liking them too much?

Sheep shit on a stick! If I'm a latent homo I'm going to have to rethink this fag deal.

I still ain't putting no man's pecker in my mouth. I don't care how trendy it gets.

No Clay! How'd you make that baby? I bet it was unnatural. Next they'll be telling me Michael Jackson's a queer too. Please, God! Don't make Michael Jackson a queer!

-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole! I Got Some Fag Rules!

Hey Asshole.

We got to get a few things straight, and by straight, I mean not fag.

There's right and there's wrong. And if your not right, you're wrong. That there is some Wacky Macky wisdom, and it don't belong in a man's butt. Nothing should go in there unless it's handled by a doctor who ain't queer, or your wife.

So I got some fag rules to live by, just so the homos don't ever have to wonder why they're God's mistakes.

1. I can get with two woman, and there ain't nothing wrong with that. But two men on one woman, there's libel to be something touching that don't belong together. Two snakes in the grass never did nothing but fight it out. That's number one.

2. Old men looking at teen boys. That's wrong, and it's wrong all together. You go right to hell with that kind of lookin'. Now if'n a man's straight, and you know old Wacky Macky only sleeps with people what got a cooter and boobs, he got every right to look at a young purty girl of the ages of 12 and up, long as he don't touch one 'till they're legal, and in my trailer, that's when they got hair on the tangerine. Nothing wrong with that. That's healthy nature right there.

3. If a man teacher or minister is trying to get with a teen boy in class or church, he needs to be shot before he's electrocuted, gassed, and beat up. Now if it's a teen boy who's being fondled by a woman teacher or preacher, there's nothing wrong there at all. That's how learning gets done. Wish I was half them boys getting picked up by them hot blond sugar mamas. That's how I learnt and God put them women down hear to teach us men right so we have healthy babies. Everyone knows that.

4. Nothing in the poop shoot that's between men. Covered that in number one.

5. Don't be looking at my pecker in the rest room unless you're a lady teacher or preacher. If you don't have two melons and a snatch patch, keep your eyes on yorn and yorn alone. I can't pee when a man's looking at my billy-bob. And when I can't pee, I get riled.

6. I ain't saying I'm against queers, I'm just saying they shouldn't ever been born and if they was born, they need to be living on their own island. They could call it Buttpole Island or Hot Dog Island, or whatever the fucks goin' on with them weird fags. That's number six.

God Damn! I just shit my pants again. What the fuck am I eating here?

-- Wacky Macky

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Hey Asshole! You Can Drink Yer Pee.

Hey Asshole.

I'm talking about water here. I know I said some mean things about science, but that's just for the dopes what don't understand it. I'm reading about water, how we're using it up and soon there won't be any water in California.

Hey Asshole! That's where the good water in bottles comes from. It ain't got no Government residue in it and they put it in a little plastic container so you can keep it around the house long enough to survive a nukalar war, and you know it's coming, asshole.

But you gotta' use yer head here and think about it scientifically, like I have. Okay, I'll lay it out for you. The world's got a protective shield around it called the zone-O, and it's in a layer. That keeps all the stuff here on Earth from floating out there and getting into the vacuum of space where it's gonna' die out there.

Now tell me this: how's the water gonna' get out of that zone-O? Ain't no fuckin' way. So if the water can't go nowhere, how we gonna' run out of it? See, that's just common sense. Then they say we're pollutin' it. Well, you get a filter for that and that'll take out all the pollution and the Government residue. There you are. Plenty for everyone.

Yeah, I read the dang article and it was saying about how some people don't have access to no good water. Mostly children and old ladies. Well I got some advice for those assholes. Hey ASSHOLE! You gotta' get outta' there. There ain't no good water. Get going and move where the good water is. What are you, some kind of dumb? It's just science and common sense.

Summing up here, basic bottom line is this. Water can't escape the zone-O and go in space, so we ain't running out of no water any time soon. Part two, if your water's polluted, you gotta' filter that shit. If you ain't got no filter, move to California.

What kind of an asshole doesn't know that?

All this talk is making me need to pee. You can drink that too if there ain't no water. It's good for you, asshole. That's how you survive in the dessert.

-- Wacky Macky

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Hey Asshole! I'm Healthy!

Hey Asshole!

I was sitting her thinking about how I never get sick, unless I'm puking beer. No colds, no flu, no warts and fungus. And then I come across this article here that tells the truth. And I knew it all along 'cause I've been doing it every day since I can remember. And what I'm talking about is picking the boogers out of my nose and eating 'em.

So I'm reading how this doctor says I'm right! I was right all along. Didn't need no doctor to tell me so. Hey Asshole! You hear me? I put my finger up in there, root around for a ripe one, pull that sucker out and eat.

No colds, no flu, no warts and fungus.

Never go to the doctor or the hospital, 'cause that's where the sick people go.

I ain't sick! I'm eating boogers!

-- Wacky Macky


Hey Asshole! Here's what I read on my machine. You'd be wise to eat yorn too!


Doctor Backs Picking Your Nose And Eating It

Picking your nose and eating it is one of the best ways to stay healthy, according to a top Austrian doctor.

Innsbruck-based lung specialist Prof Dr Friedrich Bischinger said people who pick their noses with their fingers were healthy, happier and probably better in tune with their bodies.

He says society should adopt a new approach to nose-picking and encourage children to take it up.

Dr Bischinger said: "With the finger you can get to places you just can't reach with a handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner.

"And eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of strengthening the body's immune system.

"Medically it makes great sense and is a perfectly natural thing to do. In terms of the immune system the nose is a filter in which a great deal of bacteria are collected, and when this mixture arrives in the intestines it works just like a medicine.

"Modern medicine is constantly trying to do the same thing through far more complicated methods, people who pick their nose and eat it get a natural boost to their immune system for free. "

He pointed out that children happily pick their noses, yet by the time they have become adults they have stopped under pressure from a society that has branded it disgusting and anti social.
He said: "I would recommend a new approach where children are encouraged to pick their nose. It is a completely natural response and medically a good idea as well."

And he pointed out that if anyone was really worried about what their neighbour was thinking, they could still enjoy picking their nose in private if they still wanted to get the benefits it offered.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Hey Asshole, Get The Hell Outta' There - Part II

Hey Assholes!

You gotta' get the hell out of Texas. God sent another hurlycane down to get George Bush's home town. Bush sure don't deserve this kind of treatment. I mean, he didn't get no blow jobs in office, he didn't take away my gun, he's a man of God... what the fuck's goin' on here? Best President the USA ever had and look what's happening now. Least they named it Ike, but I don't know no women named Ike. I thought they named storms after women. I'd name a storm Vagelina. I'd name my first kid Vagelina too. That's a pretty name.

I think God was aiming at New Orleans again, where all the freaks have their homo leather parade... and sumabitchen global warming from Al Gore's mouth pushed it to the wrong place. Now look whatcha did, you Nobel winning Peace Prize monkey suit socialist! Shut yer damn yap. There's no room in this country for your opinion of science. Everybody knows science is just made up stuff that you can make math out of. But who's got time for math? What's if for? If I want to know how old a tree is, I'll just chop it down and count the rings. That's how you be an environmentalist!

So Assholes, you better get the fuck outta' there and take your guns and horses with you. This one's got ugly written all over it. Specially you people in trailers. They go right up in the tornados. I seen it happen on Wizard of Oz, and house killed a woman. It's government magnets they put in there to monitor your brain. They're pulling in the tornados and wrecking our trailers, just like in the Wizard of Oz.

You know what happens then. Midgets. Every where you look. I don't want that to happen to Texas! It'll ruin how everything's big in Texas, and then what? Midgets all over the place.

-- Wacky Macky

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Hey Asshole, I've Been Drinking Steel Reserve...

Hey Asshole,

I been drinking about all day so I'm guessing I may only make sense to myself right now over here. But I got to put down what I'm thinkin' when I get to drinkin'.

And here's what I'm thinkin'. I watch a lot of Star Trek. And I'm thinkin' Sarah Palin looks just like Captain Janaway with her hair all up in a bun like that. And it ain't a stretch to picture Mr. Tuvok, the Vulcan, looking like Obama.

You know what? I say fuck it. Let's get 'em together and have 'em run the space ship. She could say, "Fire, Mr. Tuvok," and he could press the red button and nuke all the sombitches that are fucking with the USA! Weeeeehoooo the fuck WEEE! That's the way. Why not. They had a Chinese Jap on the first Trek with that gay Sulu what the fuck's his name anyway. Now he's working for Howard Stern. Liberal commie prick jew.

So then McCain, 'cause he's older than the dirt in my drawers, he could be like Captain Kirk from the first bunch of Star Treks, and he could kick that fag Sulu outta there. Gotta' throw out Uhura too 'cause she's too dark to work the radio. Kick her off, and then we got something there.

I tell ya', Steel Reserve makes me want to put us all together for a common cause and kill them people that ain't like us with a nuklar bomb from our space ship with Commander McCain, Captain Palin, and Janitor Obama, who'll have to come in after we get done and clean up our mess.

-- Wacky Macky

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Hey Asshole, I Did a Funny Thing!

Hey asshole. I smoked too much of my back medicine and drank too much of my beer and ate too many of my pills. And I was sittin' on the couch watchin' a cartoon and I thought, why not run around outside naked.

So I ran out there and down the road to where that old bitch Agnes lives, and I waved my pecker at her. It was a funny thing I did there. Made her scream and throw her scissors at me. Stupid whore.

Then she calls the police. They been out three times this week cause I can't stop cause it's so damn funny. Me shaking my pecker at Agnes. I may run out there again in a minute or two before the cops get here.

-- Wacky Macky

Monday, September 8, 2008

Hey Asshole: The Best of Wacky Macky Quotes

"If you ain't right, you're wrong."
-- Wacky Macky

"Everyone knows Jesus was white and has pretty blond hair."
-- Wacky Macky

"Shoulda had the olympics in America, where they came from."
-- Wacky Macky

"I just don't want to go in the men's room and have to see a woman pissing in the urinal with her dick."
-- Wacky Macky

"I'm gonna' sue you bitches, just as soon as I get the power back on in the trailer."
-- Wacky Macky

"Hey, Asshole! If you're a Spic, how are you going to make fun of a Chinese Jap like that? You people can't even speka-de-English."
-- Wacky Macky

"Don't fuck with me. I'll get your brain and fix it so it works my way."
-- Wacky Macky

"I ain't picking on God, I'm just saying he done some weird shit."
-- Wacky Macky

"Where's my beer. Goddamn, I'm a stupid motherfucker sometimes."
-- Wacky Macky

"I hate you, asshole. You are such an asshole."
-- Wacky Macky

"President Bush was the best President this country ever had."
-- Wacky Macky

"Ronald Reagan knew what he was doing when he made AIDS."
-- Wacky Macky

"There's a lot of people here on earth. Could be millions of 'em."
-- Wacky Macky

"Some of you know I take a dump in a cat box instead of a toilet so Government water won't splash in my colon and give me cancer."
-- Wacky Macky

... and you can quote me on all of these, asshole.

-- Wacky Macky

Hey Asshole, I Got a Thing I'm Dealing With Here...

Some of you know I take a dump in a cat box instead of a toilet so Government water won't splash in my colon and give me cancer. And I'm using Publix clumping litter in there because it's only $2.29 a box and it's good for about a month.

When you think about how much you gotta' spend to keep a toilet running; $2 for the blue things, $2 cleaning scrub pads, .39 cents for rubber gloves so you don't get old poop on yer hands, $2 for the Government water if you flush after pissin', $2 for toilet paper (which I don't need with the litter 'cause I just reach down and grab some litter and rub it around on my rose... that takes most of it off), what you come out to is $8.39 vs. $2.29 for a box of litter.

If my math is right, I'm saving $6.61 which is exactly the price, including tax (and fuck the IRS if I may say so), for a pack of generic smokes and a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon. It's just common sense there, asshole.

Kitty litter.

-- Wacky Macky

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Hey Asshole, Use Yer Common Sense!

There's a lot of people here on earth. Could be millions of 'em. But I'm tellin' you assholes, you gotta' use yer common sense. I've seen some ignorant shit, and we're gonna git it straight.

#1. Men going with men not only makes no sense, it's illegal 'cause God said so. It's right there in Exodus. Don't eat no shellfish bottom dwelling critters and don't put your pecker in a man's ass. I mean, Good God! That's where you go the bathroom from. I'm sticking to good old American pussy!

#2. Stop electing assholes. We got to get John McCain and that hot mama, Sand-dog Palin in that white house quick! If Obama gets ahold of it, they'll be playing rap music at all hours of the night, and while that's happening, the Chinese Japs will come down here with them Arabian Muslim Towel people and bomb the Vietnam Memorial. You know what's gonna' happen if that happens? All out nukalar bombs every which-a-way. You think you seen global warming? Wait 'till the Chinese Japs and Iran and Osama start lobbing nukalar bombs with the good ol' USA. We're talking... sea will be ready to go fish soup, man! Are you out of yer' fucking mind, asshole?

#3. We gotta' find the real Big Foot and eat him. Eat them all. There's no doubt about that. If they start making Big Foots out there in the woods, enough to where they come into our territory and try to get our milk, it'll be too late. Nobody fucks with my milk. Those boys never should have faked they found a Big Foot. It's gonna' make it harder to know the real one when he gets in there and takes your milk. Those guys didn't have no common sense.

#4. It's time somebody finally came out and said it. If I have to be the only man in America to say it, so be it. Don't scare me none. So here it is, right out of my mouth: Ronald Reagan knew what he was doing when he made AIDS.

#5. Check your ass every morning. If it feels sore and it's got it's mouth open up a bit... aliens. They was in there for sure. They've been doing it for a hundred years. They're good at it. I don't know what they need out of there, but by now, they sure got a lot of it.

#6. If you're white and you're wearing your pants so your ass shows and you're walking down the street trying to rap while you make pretend gang signs in the air, and you cross my trailer doing that silly shit, I'm gonna' have to shoot. It's okay if your black, that's what you folks do. But white kids got no business doing that. You don't got the right, and you don't got no rhythm. If yer black, go on with yer bad self. Don't bother me none, just keep it off my lawn.

#7. I'm talking to you asshole birds now that are peckin' up my medicine patch out in the yard. Get your fucking beak out of my medicine patch. That there is for me. You hear me? I can't stand birds when they get in my area and do bird shit.

#8. Hey Asshole. Use your common sense. President Bush was the best President this country ever had. You got no idea all the crazy shit goes on in the world. He knows better than you do, believe me. I know, 'cause one thing you can never know about me is I was ex-CIA. That's something nobody'll tell you. Not even me. That's how top secret it is.

#9. I hate you, asshole. You are such an asshole. If you read the last 8 things I told you, maybe you'd start using yer common sense and you wouldn't be an asshole. But nobody listens to people who know their shit. And that's what I'm tellin' you: ex-CIA. I'll be in yer' closet with a cancer syringe. You'll never know it was me. God-damn! Spilt my beer into the keyboardddf..gaj;a;gjagrejk jraigejg 4jgeio4g;jrgreaklg;erkgaajgrei;lgjega;igaleg;aekgega;lkjealgkejrgl;eajgaegrel;aeigrejae;lgerj gaelirgje rglrejg relijg rg jafufckafuejie;fwejflijthis aiwejl;tjei/ ti shit ijwetalligj efufckjia;eltjawejgiewa;lgjewg

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Hey Asshole! Get the Fuck Outta' There!

You gotta' be some kind of dumb to sit around your house watching Larry King when a category 5 storm is coming to wash out yer' mouth again. The first time, you're on the roof goin', "Shoulda' got my ass out when they told me to." Meantime, your dog sinks in the flood waters and your wife still won't have sex with you. What's the matter with her anyway? Who's running this operation? Aliens?

But I'm off track here. Must be my back medication, which I grow in the yard.

So now this storm is coming to New Orleans again, and you French dingleberries better sauce up your busses and run like hell, or there's going to be a new soup in New Orleans and it won't be Jambalaya. It'll be people soup, and Louisanna gators love that shit.

Where's my beer. Goddamn, I'm a stupid motherfucker sometimes. Oh, here it is right where I put it, between my legs. It's airconditioning for my balls.

So anyhoo, and you know... I don't like French people who think they're black anyhow. So let 'em stay. But they should probably get out of there.

Now I been reading about liberals saying that the Hurlycane coming down there is God's way of saying Republicans are gonna' lose. Hey Asshole! I got news for you. God set that one on the Democrats and JesusImposterObama. He just screwed up and made it run a little late. Same way he screwed up with Giraffes. That's the dumbest animal... what's it good for? Look at it. Ain't no reasonable God gonna' make a thing like that. It's goofy.

I ain't picking on God, I'm just saying he done some weird shit. Like look at a penguin. He dressed him up, but how's he gonna' fly to the party with those little wings? He's too fat. Look how fat he is. I'm not gonna' get one. What's the point of them?

Well, I've gone on a bit too long here, and so... oh now what. Look at that shit. Some little girl is knocking on my door in a unform and she's got a box of cookies under her arm. I fell for this once before and those cookies tasted like shit. I'm gonna' get my shotgun.

Catch you tomorrow, Asshole.

-- Wacky Macky

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Hey Asshole, Stop Yer Yammerin!

Hey Asshole,

I had to drink a whole bottle of Turkey just to get through the Democrapatic convention without throwin up my liver. Not my pickled liver, mind you. I'm talking about the liver I ate from the Racoon I shot with my car by running over it. Tasted like trash, but you are what you eat.

Which brings me to my point. There's Billary Cliton up there yammerin' away, and I'm just picturing Bubba Bill up there as his eyes get misty, 'cause he's thinking how good that blow job was when he was shoving that cigar in the younger prettier girl with the dirty blue dress.

Now Billary don't care 'cause she's part dyke, but she's old dyke. I mean her face is going Michael Jackson and she ain't had no surgery that I read about in the Enquirer, the only place for the truth. And she's saying her man's Obama? He ain't sucking no Bubba stick.

Now McCain may have a big jaw on one side that looks like he's sucking one too, but that girl in the blue dress, where's her book at? She coulda made a hundred dollars on that. Shit! No, really. I shit myself. That's what's happening here, and this Turkey's making me crazy enough to eat more of that possum liver. Stupid dead thing got ran over in my car. That's how I shot it.

Don't fuck with me. I'll get your brain and fix it so it works my way.

-- Wacky Macky

Thursday, August 21, 2008


Hey Asshole,

I get on the Google to find my blog because I get too drunk to remember where I put my words at, and all these other Assholes come up instead of me.

So I'm thinking they all stole my name and they're trying to be me, but they don't know who they're messing with. I fought in the war, and I'll pound some ass if I hear any other Wacky Macky thinks he's better than me.

I got me a lawyer better than Judge Judy that'll go to bat for me and bat some heads in of them imitating bastards. You better believe it, Jack Stump!

Hey Asshole, you're on notice, the lot of you, that I'm suing every fucking Wacky Macky I can find until I'm the original like I say I am. Cause Wacky Macky Tells the Truth, Asshole. Says so right at the top of the blog.

You tell 'em I'm coming, and I'm bringing hell with me.

I got a real skunk ape, not no fake, in my freezer and I ain't tellin' nobody about it because I'm eating it all summer. Fuck a skunk ape. Who needs 'em. Tastes like possum... really smelly possum. Hard to clean too. I eat the tongue. I EAT THE TONGUE RIGH TOUTTA' THA MOUTH!


-- Wacky Macky

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Hey Asshole! Spics Got No Right To Make Fun of Japs!

Hey Asshole,

I seen this here picture where these Spanish athletes and their women sperm banks are pullin' their eyes with their fingers to make fun of the Chinese Japs over there. Well if I never seen something so dumb.

Hey, Asshole! If you're a spic, how are you going to make fun of a Chinese Jap like that? You people can't even speka-de-English.

You're lucky I got Polacks in my family tree, which is what makes it justified what I'm tryin' to tell you here. Bottom line: Learn English and stop trying to make Chinese Jap eyes when you got no right.

Good God, the President's gonna' be black, and the only reason I can rightly make fun of him in all fairness is because I'm part dumb Polack. But make no mistake, asshole. I'm all redneck queer. Watch your daughters. I'm getting drunk and eating some pills I found in my old pants.

-- Wacky Macky

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Hey Asshole, Where's My Damn E-Mail Password

Hey Asshole,

I forgot my damn hotmail password.

So I go to figure it out and damn Hotmail tells me it's gonna send me password reset instructions. Guess where it's gonna' send them instructions?

That's right, my fucking hotmail account that I can't fucking get into.

Hey Asshole,

that's about as stupid as a monkey licking a frozen metal pole.

He's gonna' get his tongue stuck on there.

I'm gonna' sue you bitches, just as soon as I get the power back on in the trailer.

-- Wacky Macky

Friday, August 8, 2008

Hey Asshole, Toilets are for Men and Women

Hey Asshole,

In Gainesville, that liberal pit of dumbass kids, they put a law in there so that chicks with dicks and men with tits have to get in the bathroom.

Now, a bunch of real American Christians are starting a drive to get that law out of there. Why? Because they say men are gonna' go in there and molest our women and children and when they get done with that, the cops aren't going to be able to do anything about it because if they feel like a woman, they can go in there. Especially if it's a man with a set of boobs.

Now I don't want to sound like a prick, but here's my take on it.

I just don't want to go in the men's room and have to see a woman pissing in the urinal with her dick. And I don't want no women to have to go into the ladies room with a lady with a beard in there. It's pretty simple, really.

God makes a few mistakes, that's pretty clear, but should I have to pay for that? As for molesting children, kids shouldn't be in the adult bathroom anyway. They should be home making poop in a plastic training toilet. These little fella's miss sometimes, and I don't want to sit in some kid's shit.

Got me?

So sign that petition to get that goofy law out of there, and let's make sure that in my America, we don't let the mistakes of God get in the way of liberty for people of the right kind.

-- Wacky Macky

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Chinese Olympics...

Hey Asshole,

I been hearing about pollution in China, and our boys over there are wearing masks.

So the Chinese are saying, "That ain't no pollution, that's mist evaporating."

I call bullshit! I think it's Chinese smog, just like it looks like it is.

They got spies over there picking up info from the cell phones and computers.

They got Asian hookers trying to get our athletes in bed and get their information.

What are they gonna' say? "Sure, lady. I'll tell you everything about the Pentagon?"

Hell no. Maybe he'll say to her, "I'll give you some steroids if you trade me some octopus."

They eat bird nests in soup over there.

Shoulda had the olympics in America, where they came from.

I ain't watching!

Fuck 'em where they breed.

I got me some beer news, by the way. Schlitz is coming back.

Whoopee freakin' doo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-- Wacky Macky

P.S. Where can I get me one of them Chinese hookers online?

Monday, August 4, 2008

Hey Asshole, I'm Voting for McCain

Hey Asshole!

We need a military man who knows how to get shot down.

We need a leader who can sing, "Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb-Bomb Iran."

We need a man running this country who's got some years on him.

Somebody weird looking. Somebody who will look out for us like Bush has.

Hey Asshole!

I'm proud to be an AmeriCain.

That other guy ain't no Jesus.

Everyone knows Jesus was white and has pretty blond hair.

-- Wacky Macky

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Hey Asshole!

Hey asshole.

This here is Wacky Macky.

In my America, there's right and wrong.

If you ain't right, you're wrong.

Get off my land!

I'll tell you the truth and if you don't like it, you can go eat a fart, commie!

I'll get my beer and start telling it like it is.

Strap on your 3-way safety belt. It's gonna be a bumpy ride!