Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Hey Asshole! I Shit the Bed!

Hey Asshole.

I know you're probably thinking to yerself, this Asshole Wacky Macky, all he talks about is sick shit that happened to him and it's so gross. Well asshole, that's what happens to Ol' Wacky Macky. I ain't pulling no punches. I said I tell the truth and when stuff happens, even if it's sick, I feel a duty to blog it on this here bloggin' place.

It's not like I was tryin' to shit all over the bed. Who'd do a thing like that on purpose? I'm just saying I couldn't hold my rose together and a mess of poop fell out of there and on the bed. There it is for you, in black and white. And a little green and a piece of yellow. I'm gonna' say corn. There's no doubt. There's always one of those little fuckers in your poop.

So I didn't know all that crap come outta' me and I was pitching and rolling around in it because I was having a dream that I was a pig rolling around in the mud. And in the dream, the farmer comes up and throws some feed into the mud and naturally, being a hungry pig, I go down there to eat it all up.

That's the only way I can think that I got so much poop on my face. I think during the night, I was probably trying to eat it thinking it was feed for a pig, when in reality it were my own poop and now maybe it is gross. But it's the truth. Sometimes the truth is gross. That don't mean I ain't gonna tell you I might have been eating poop in my sleep thinking it was pig feed from a dream I had.

Now I'm not ashamed of it. Probably everybody at one time or another has eaten some of their bed poop. It's natural. So long as I didn't do it on purpose, there's nothing wrong with it. And I can't say it tasted so bad, but I can't say it was something I'd go out of my way to order in a fancy restaurant.

And looking at the mess on the bed, and how some of it is wiggling, I'm gonna have to eat some of the leftover dog worm medicine. 'Cause these are some big fucking worms I'm looking at here. That's not gross. It's just the truth. Sometimes the truth is eatin' poop with worms in it.

Fuck me, looks like I'm barfin' on the poop now... Gimmie a minute here...


-- Wacky Macky

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