Sunday, August 31, 2008

Hey Asshole! Get the Fuck Outta' There!

You gotta' be some kind of dumb to sit around your house watching Larry King when a category 5 storm is coming to wash out yer' mouth again. The first time, you're on the roof goin', "Shoulda' got my ass out when they told me to." Meantime, your dog sinks in the flood waters and your wife still won't have sex with you. What's the matter with her anyway? Who's running this operation? Aliens?

But I'm off track here. Must be my back medication, which I grow in the yard.

So now this storm is coming to New Orleans again, and you French dingleberries better sauce up your busses and run like hell, or there's going to be a new soup in New Orleans and it won't be Jambalaya. It'll be people soup, and Louisanna gators love that shit.

Where's my beer. Goddamn, I'm a stupid motherfucker sometimes. Oh, here it is right where I put it, between my legs. It's airconditioning for my balls.

So anyhoo, and you know... I don't like French people who think they're black anyhow. So let 'em stay. But they should probably get out of there.

Now I been reading about liberals saying that the Hurlycane coming down there is God's way of saying Republicans are gonna' lose. Hey Asshole! I got news for you. God set that one on the Democrats and JesusImposterObama. He just screwed up and made it run a little late. Same way he screwed up with Giraffes. That's the dumbest animal... what's it good for? Look at it. Ain't no reasonable God gonna' make a thing like that. It's goofy.

I ain't picking on God, I'm just saying he done some weird shit. Like look at a penguin. He dressed him up, but how's he gonna' fly to the party with those little wings? He's too fat. Look how fat he is. I'm not gonna' get one. What's the point of them?

Well, I've gone on a bit too long here, and so... oh now what. Look at that shit. Some little girl is knocking on my door in a unform and she's got a box of cookies under her arm. I fell for this once before and those cookies tasted like shit. I'm gonna' get my shotgun.

Catch you tomorrow, Asshole.

-- Wacky Macky

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Hey Asshole, Stop Yer Yammerin!

Hey Asshole,

I had to drink a whole bottle of Turkey just to get through the Democrapatic convention without throwin up my liver. Not my pickled liver, mind you. I'm talking about the liver I ate from the Racoon I shot with my car by running over it. Tasted like trash, but you are what you eat.

Which brings me to my point. There's Billary Cliton up there yammerin' away, and I'm just picturing Bubba Bill up there as his eyes get misty, 'cause he's thinking how good that blow job was when he was shoving that cigar in the younger prettier girl with the dirty blue dress.

Now Billary don't care 'cause she's part dyke, but she's old dyke. I mean her face is going Michael Jackson and she ain't had no surgery that I read about in the Enquirer, the only place for the truth. And she's saying her man's Obama? He ain't sucking no Bubba stick.

Now McCain may have a big jaw on one side that looks like he's sucking one too, but that girl in the blue dress, where's her book at? She coulda made a hundred dollars on that. Shit! No, really. I shit myself. That's what's happening here, and this Turkey's making me crazy enough to eat more of that possum liver. Stupid dead thing got ran over in my car. That's how I shot it.

Don't fuck with me. I'll get your brain and fix it so it works my way.

-- Wacky Macky

Thursday, August 21, 2008


Hey Asshole,

I get on the Google to find my blog because I get too drunk to remember where I put my words at, and all these other Assholes come up instead of me.

So I'm thinking they all stole my name and they're trying to be me, but they don't know who they're messing with. I fought in the war, and I'll pound some ass if I hear any other Wacky Macky thinks he's better than me.

I got me a lawyer better than Judge Judy that'll go to bat for me and bat some heads in of them imitating bastards. You better believe it, Jack Stump!

Hey Asshole, you're on notice, the lot of you, that I'm suing every fucking Wacky Macky I can find until I'm the original like I say I am. Cause Wacky Macky Tells the Truth, Asshole. Says so right at the top of the blog.

You tell 'em I'm coming, and I'm bringing hell with me.

I got a real skunk ape, not no fake, in my freezer and I ain't tellin' nobody about it because I'm eating it all summer. Fuck a skunk ape. Who needs 'em. Tastes like possum... really smelly possum. Hard to clean too. I eat the tongue. I EAT THE TONGUE RIGH TOUTTA' THA MOUTH!


-- Wacky Macky

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Hey Asshole! Spics Got No Right To Make Fun of Japs!

Hey Asshole,

I seen this here picture where these Spanish athletes and their women sperm banks are pullin' their eyes with their fingers to make fun of the Chinese Japs over there. Well if I never seen something so dumb.

Hey, Asshole! If you're a spic, how are you going to make fun of a Chinese Jap like that? You people can't even speka-de-English.

You're lucky I got Polacks in my family tree, which is what makes it justified what I'm tryin' to tell you here. Bottom line: Learn English and stop trying to make Chinese Jap eyes when you got no right.

Good God, the President's gonna' be black, and the only reason I can rightly make fun of him in all fairness is because I'm part dumb Polack. But make no mistake, asshole. I'm all redneck queer. Watch your daughters. I'm getting drunk and eating some pills I found in my old pants.

-- Wacky Macky

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Hey Asshole, Where's My Damn E-Mail Password

Hey Asshole,

I forgot my damn hotmail password.

So I go to figure it out and damn Hotmail tells me it's gonna send me password reset instructions. Guess where it's gonna' send them instructions?

That's right, my fucking hotmail account that I can't fucking get into.

Hey Asshole,

that's about as stupid as a monkey licking a frozen metal pole.

He's gonna' get his tongue stuck on there.

I'm gonna' sue you bitches, just as soon as I get the power back on in the trailer.

-- Wacky Macky

Friday, August 8, 2008

Hey Asshole, Toilets are for Men and Women

Hey Asshole,

In Gainesville, that liberal pit of dumbass kids, they put a law in there so that chicks with dicks and men with tits have to get in the bathroom.

Now, a bunch of real American Christians are starting a drive to get that law out of there. Why? Because they say men are gonna' go in there and molest our women and children and when they get done with that, the cops aren't going to be able to do anything about it because if they feel like a woman, they can go in there. Especially if it's a man with a set of boobs.

Now I don't want to sound like a prick, but here's my take on it.

I just don't want to go in the men's room and have to see a woman pissing in the urinal with her dick. And I don't want no women to have to go into the ladies room with a lady with a beard in there. It's pretty simple, really.

God makes a few mistakes, that's pretty clear, but should I have to pay for that? As for molesting children, kids shouldn't be in the adult bathroom anyway. They should be home making poop in a plastic training toilet. These little fella's miss sometimes, and I don't want to sit in some kid's shit.

Got me?

So sign that petition to get that goofy law out of there, and let's make sure that in my America, we don't let the mistakes of God get in the way of liberty for people of the right kind.

-- Wacky Macky

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Chinese Olympics...

Hey Asshole,

I been hearing about pollution in China, and our boys over there are wearing masks.

So the Chinese are saying, "That ain't no pollution, that's mist evaporating."

I call bullshit! I think it's Chinese smog, just like it looks like it is.

They got spies over there picking up info from the cell phones and computers.

They got Asian hookers trying to get our athletes in bed and get their information.

What are they gonna' say? "Sure, lady. I'll tell you everything about the Pentagon?"

Hell no. Maybe he'll say to her, "I'll give you some steroids if you trade me some octopus."

They eat bird nests in soup over there.

Shoulda had the olympics in America, where they came from.

I ain't watching!

Fuck 'em where they breed.

I got me some beer news, by the way. Schlitz is coming back.

Whoopee freakin' doo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-- Wacky Macky

P.S. Where can I get me one of them Chinese hookers online?

Monday, August 4, 2008

Hey Asshole, I'm Voting for McCain

Hey Asshole!

We need a military man who knows how to get shot down.

We need a leader who can sing, "Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb-Bomb Iran."

We need a man running this country who's got some years on him.

Somebody weird looking. Somebody who will look out for us like Bush has.

Hey Asshole!

I'm proud to be an AmeriCain.

That other guy ain't no Jesus.

Everyone knows Jesus was white and has pretty blond hair.

-- Wacky Macky