Hey Asshole, Use Yer Common Sense!

There's a lot of people here on earth. Could be millions of 'em. But I'm tellin' you assholes, you gotta' use yer common sense. I've seen some ignorant shit, and we're gonna git it straight.

#1. Men going with men not only makes no sense, it's illegal 'cause God said so. It's right there in Exodus. Don't eat no shellfish bottom dwelling critters and don't put your pecker in a man's ass. I mean, Good God! That's where you go the bathroom from. I'm sticking to good old American pussy!

#2. Stop electing assholes. We got to get John McCain and that hot mama, Sand-dog Palin in that white house quick! If Obama gets ahold of it, they'll be playing rap music at all hours of the night, and while that's happening, the Chinese Japs will come down here with them Arabian Muslim Towel people and bomb the Vietnam Memorial. You know what's gonna' happen if that happens? All out nukalar bombs every which-a-way. You think you seen global warming? Wait 'till the Chinese Japs and Iran and Osama start lobbing nukalar bombs with the good ol' USA. We're talking... sea will be ready to go fish soup, man! Are you out of yer' fucking mind, asshole?

#3. We gotta' find the real Big Foot and eat him. Eat them all. There's no doubt about that. If they start making Big Foots out there in the woods, enough to where they come into our territory and try to get our milk, it'll be too late. Nobody fucks with my milk. Those boys never should have faked they found a Big Foot. It's gonna' make it harder to know the real one when he gets in there and takes your milk. Those guys didn't have no common sense.

#4. It's time somebody finally came out and said it. If I have to be the only man in America to say it, so be it. Don't scare me none. So here it is, right out of my mouth: Ronald Reagan knew what he was doing when he made AIDS.

#5. Check your ass every morning. If it feels sore and it's got it's mouth open up a bit... aliens. They was in there for sure. They've been doing it for a hundred years. They're good at it. I don't know what they need out of there, but by now, they sure got a lot of it.

#6. If you're white and you're wearing your pants so your ass shows and you're walking down the street trying to rap while you make pretend gang signs in the air, and you cross my trailer doing that silly shit, I'm gonna' have to shoot. It's okay if your black, that's what you folks do. But white kids got no business doing that. You don't got the right, and you don't got no rhythm. If yer black, go on with yer bad self. Don't bother me none, just keep it off my lawn.

#7. I'm talking to you asshole birds now that are peckin' up my medicine patch out in the yard. Get your fucking beak out of my medicine patch. That there is for me. You hear me? I can't stand birds when they get in my area and do bird shit.

#8. Hey Asshole. Use your common sense. President Bush was the best President this country ever had. You got no idea all the crazy shit goes on in the world. He knows better than you do, believe me. I know, 'cause one thing you can never know about me is I was ex-CIA. That's something nobody'll tell you. Not even me. That's how top secret it is.

#9. I hate you, asshole. You are such an asshole. If you read the last 8 things I told you, maybe you'd start using yer common sense and you wouldn't be an asshole. But nobody listens to people who know their shit. And that's what I'm tellin' you: ex-CIA. I'll be in yer' closet with a cancer syringe. You'll never know it was me. God-damn! Spilt my beer into the keyboardddf..gaj;a;gjagrejk jraigejg 4jgeio4g;jrgreaklg;erkgaajgrei;lgjega;igaleg;aekgega;lkjealgkejrgl;eajgaegrel;aeigrejae;lgerj gaelirgje rglrejg relijg rg jafufckafuejie;fwejflijthis aiwejl;tjei/ ti shit ijwetalligj efufckjia;eltjawejgiewa;lgjewg